Daily Ramblings

Sorpresas te da la vida...

2012-01-13T15:37:00.000-06:00

Life will surprise you. Yes indeed!

Most of my adult life, I've heard women say "I've been dreaming of my wedding day since I was a little girl", or "when I was a kid, I knew what kind of wedding I wanted", etc, etc. You get the idea.

I wasn't one of those girls. I never dreamed of my wedding day. NEVER. Never wondered what it would be like to walk down the aisle, dressed in a white gown, with a veil on my head and with a handsome man waiting for me at the altar. I didn't daydream of the day prince charming would come and sweep me off my feet, and we'd ride together into the sunset. Not once.

Maybe you are wondering what kind of childhood I had. Was I a tomboy? Am I missing the girl gene that makes the other girls dream of prince charming? Maybe the answer is yes to both. I never liked dolls, never in my almost 40 years owned a Barbie. Never wanted one, not even as a kid. One of my earliest memories is asking my mom for a Tonka Truck for Christmas. Yes, you read that right, a Tonka truck. It may seem odd, specially when I grew up surrounded by four sisters. I still remember how happy I was to find a green Tonka jeep under the tree that year.

Don't get me wrong, I liked boys growing up. I had crushes and swooned if one of them looked my way. But from there to dreaming they would one day be my chosen beloved, that was a leap I never made. That stayed with me until college. My friends, those who knew me when my last time was still Gutierrez, will probably tell you I was very adamant about one thing : No marriage, and No kids.

Of course, I never took into account that a handsome man would sweep me off my feet, and that I would find myself married at the young age of 26. Or that I would find myself the mother of three kids.

I'm glad life surprised me, and brought my way the 4 people who share my house. They are pretty awesome folks, and definitely love me enough to put up with me all the time. I have my best friend under the same roof, and three amazing little beings who remind me every day I have a purpose in life. I would not trade them for the world.

The other day I read a statement from a mom who said she missed being pregnant and missed breastfeeding. It made me wonder if I'm really missing that gene I mentioned earlier. I don't miss my pregnancies. I love my children, and I'm glad I was able to give them life but I did not enjoy any part of the pregnancy. I didn't like having to carry 30+ extra pounds, not to mention the extra fat I accumulated eating for 2, and 3 people at once. I do not miss having to sleep on my side, or my back, when my favorite position is sleeping on my belly. I do not miss having to lay in bed for weeks to give the boys more incubation time. I don't miss the extra swelling of hands, feet, and face, sleepless nights, not to mention the heartburn. I simply don't.

I wonder if those women had the perfect pregnancies, and that's why they miss it. If they did, good for them. I'm glad all that is over and done.

I'm a huge advocate for breastfeeding. I am lucky enough to be part of a culture where breastfeeding is not only encouraged, but expected. I don't miss breastfeeding though. Even though I tried it with both pregnancies, it was difficult for me. Not to go into details, but it made me feel inadequate as a woman and a mother. Thank God for the lactation consultant who told me I could bond with my twins as I bottlefed them, just as I did when I breastfed them. I know many women out there successfully do it, I wasn't one of them. My experience wasn't what I anticipated, so I don't miss it.

When my firstborn was on her way, I wondered if I was made to be mom. I didn't fit the typical idea of what a mom should be. I had a career and all intention to keep it after she was born. What if I didn't have any maternal instinct? What if I didn't love this new person instantly?

I have learned in the last ten years that being a mom is about building a relationship with this new person. Candace and I had to get to know each other, and become the mother and daughter we are today. Yes, I loved her from day one and would have died for her (and still would!) but I am reminded often she is her own person. Not an extension of me. Not an accessory. She is her own being, and she deserves to be respected as such. The same is true of my boys.

I am not the perfect mother. There are many times, after they are in bed, and I climbed (exhausted!) into mine, when I wonder if I am doing a good job. Am I raising human beings who will go out into the world and make a difference in some way? There are many times when I feel as a bad mom.

I look at these kids, at the amazing people they are, how kind, loving, and caring they are; and I think maybe I don't have to do anything other than provide an environment where they can thrive. They were made to be amazing, loving creatures; that's not my creation. Maybe all I have to do is love them, guide them, and watch them grow.

La vida esta llena de sorpresas...

Are you kidding me?

2012-01-09T16:45:00.002-06:00

You know, I like my job. I enjoy what I do, and most days I actually like the people I work with. But every now and then I'm left wondering what the f*** is wrong with people these days. Why can't people simply do their job?

I work in state government, and yes I have heard every comment imaginable about how lazy state employees are, how "easy" we have it, etc. The majority of the people in this agency don't fit in the stereotype that's out there, most of us (yes, I'm including myself here) are willing to go above and beyond to do what we were hired to do. Perhaps it has to do with the fact the majority of the people here are scientists and engineers. I honestly do not know.

Most of the time, I haven't cared if the person in the office next door was snoring while I was buried under a pile of reports, they simply weren't my problem. Their job performance didn't affect mine, so I could not care less if they didn't do anything. Did it aggravate me? It most certainly did, just not enough to leave me reaching for the antiacids.

Well, now I'm responsible for other people's job performance. Don't get me wrong, I like telling people what to do. My siblings probably would tell you I was born to boss people around.
I don't mind telling people something needs to get done. But I dislike having to tell someone to do something over, and over, and over, and over, and over... I repeat myself plenty at home, I don't want to go to work and have to do the same thing I do with my kids.

Why is it so difficult to simply do what's expected? I don't understand. Is it lack of work ethic? Do they know no better, or do they simply don't give a rat's behind?

I've had to spend some time asking myself if I'm expecting too much from people. Am I asking they do things the way I would do them, or just asking that they do them?
Maybe it's a little of both.

I expect that when I, the supervisor, ask you, the employee to do something, that you'll at least look me in the eyes as I explain it to you and give me the respect I deserve. Not because I'm the boss, but because I'm a person and not a piece of furniture.

I'm not perfect. I am loud and speak my mind more often than I should. I'm sure my former (and probably current) supervisor would say I can be opinionated and stubborn. I'm also sure none of them would say I've ever done "just enough" to get by at any job I've had.

It was 4th grade...

2011-08-12T12:31:00.001-05:00

We have survived the first week of school at our house. The boys are now in kindergarten and for the first time, they are apart most of the day. The decision to ask for separate classrooms for them wasn't easy. Then again, most parenting decisions are seldom easy. Unless you are telling your child he has no use for an iPod at age 5. Now that one is quite easy.

Candace is starting fourth grade, and happy-go- lucky as usual. She has her best friends in class with her, the teacher she wanted, and life is as good as it can be, through the eyes of a nine year old.

Every year, I pray they get good teachers. Teachers who will not only teach them everything they need to know, but who will also make learning an exciting adventure. I want them to have teachers like the ones I had, teachers who will inspire them to never stop learning, who will make school a fascinating place and every school year an exciting one.

Most of my teachers were like that, with the exception of my 4th grade teacher. She made quite an impression on me and for all the wrong reasons.

By the time I made it to 4th grade, I had good study habits and just LOVED school. If they had told me I had to attend year round, I would have been the happiest kid on earth. Learning and studying came easy for me because I had had such great teachers until then.

Fourth grade started like any other normal year for me until my teacher and I had our first "incident". I still remember how the classroom looked, where I was sitting on that particular day, how much light was coming through the windows and the beautiful trees I could see on the other side of them.

The teacher asked the class a question, and no one besides me raised their hand. But she didn't call on me. She simply ignored me and kept on with the lesson. She asked a few more questions, and again, no one but me raised their hand. She scowled and called on me. I gave her the answer, and it so happened I was right.

It was time for recess and as I was walking out of the classroom passed her, she pulled me back by my ponytail.

She was a tall, hefty woman, and I was a tiny 9 year old, much smaller than Candace is. Imagine for a second this woman, pulling on my ponytail, and holding my head back so she could look me in the eyes and say "You think you are very smart, don't you?".

I vividly remember looking straight into her eyes, and replying "Yes, I AM smart", and the look of disgust in her face when she realized she had not intimidated me.

I went home and told my parents, and my dad went to school the next day to speak to her. I'm not sure what all he said, but she never spoke to me that way again or put a hand on me. She barely made eye contact the rest of the school year. I still made As and was at the top of my class but the impression this woman made on me has remained even 28 years later.

Without knowing, she taught me a valuable lesson, how to stand up for myself, regardless of how formidable my opponent may be. She didn't ruin my love for school, she didn't make me self conscious about my ability to learn and do well. I wonder now if I did so well to prove to her I was smart and not afraid to show it.

I'm not sure what became of her, or if she ever treated another child the same way she treated me. I surely hope not. I pray no one ever does that to any of my kids either, or any child for that matter.

On Life and other things

2011-07-01T12:22:00.001-05:00

It has been a while since I blogged. Blame it on life, I simply got busy, then started thinking I really have nothing to say. You can figure out the rest.

I still may not have anything to say but blogging is quite therapeutic for me, and lord knows, I'm in need of therapy these days. So here it goes.

Summer is here, and with it, the most torturous time in a woman's life: Bathing Suit Season. Life was so much easier 10 years ago, when I was fit and in great shape, and stupid enough to pass on the opportunity to wear a two piece.

Here I am now, older, wiser (ha!), and with three kids who love everything water. Of course, I no longer have that body, but now I'm forced to either go to the pool in a t-shirt and shorts, or find a bathing suit that "flatters" my new figure.

The first thing people tell me when I say I'm on a diet is "why, you don't need to lose weight". Well, looks can be (and are in my case) deceiving. I can afford to lose 15 pounds and still be within the recommended weight range for my height. But that's easier said than done. The older I've gotten, the harder it is to get rid of the weight. So I'm embarking (again!) on that journey. Wish me luck. I love food.

As if trying to lose weight was not enough, I've also been dealing with the "blues" lately. And I don't mean the BB King, Breeze Kings type.

Call it the blues, depression, under the weather, it really boils down to one thing, you just feel blah, without energy or desire to do anything, not even those things you enjoy the most.

I have found most people have a misguided idea that one has to have a reason to be depressed in order to suffer from depression. If I had a $1 for every time I've been asked "why are you depressed, you have a great _______", I'd have enough money to take a European vacation.

I'm no expert when it comes to mental illness, but I do know, in my case at least, I don't need a reason. It just happens. I've been told by those who know more about depression than I, that it can be caused by stress. well, hello! Working mother of 3 on aisle one!

Other people have pointed out I must not be a good Christian, otherwise I would not be affected by depression. Their logic is, if you trust in the Lord, then you don't have anything to be worried/stressed about. Sounds simple, right? In my opinion, if they were better Christians, they would be trying to HELP, not JUDGE. But I digress.

Different people get affected differently, and for me stress is a trigger. Most of the time I can "see" it coming, I can notice when doing normal things becomes harder and when the things I enjoy fall by the wayside. I missed all the signs this last time, and didn't realize what was happening until it had already happened. It took having an anxiety attack (another one of those fun side effects) to realize something was off.

Thing is, most people don't have a clue I've been dealing with this. I still get out of bed every day, go to work every day, take care of the house/kids/chores/husband (not in that order), and do the things that need to get done in order to keep our life in order.

Some people think depressed people are in a dark room, sleep all the time, never seeing anyone. I guess there are some of those people out there, but I'm not one of them. Unless you knew me well, you probably wouldn't see a difference in me.

Aside from the "blah" feeling, my body sends me signals too. I get the aches and pains that make me wonder if my parents got my birthday wrong in the birth certificate. All of those are a sign that something is off.

I'm on the other side of the D valley now. One step at a time, climbing back out of the pit. Good days and bad days. Granted, anyone who reads this will know, but those who don't, will probably not notice a difference at all.

And that's my point for this rambling. (I do have a point!). Never judge a book by its cover. Someone may be dealing with something big and show no signs whatsoever. Be kind to everyone and treat people as you would like to be treated; because you never know what they are dealing with.

One last word of advice, if someone tells you they are dealing with weight issues, or depression; be supportive. Life is a challenge without having to answer 20 questions every time you share a bit about yourself with others.

Book Review: Love Walked In and Belong to me- Marisa de los Santos

2011-02-25T10:11:00.004-06:00

There are books you read simply because you love books. You flip through the pages, discovering the characters, and taking a look into their lives.

Then there are books that touch something inside your heart. The characters are more than just people on paper, they become a part of your life, their lives intertwine with yours. You can feel what they feel, their happiness, their fears, their apprehensions.

Love Walked in, and Belong to me belong in latter category. At least for me.

I read Love Walked In first. I had come across it while looking for books in Paperback Swap several months ago. In all honesty, it was the author's name that first incited my curiosity. I love reading Spanish/Latin authors, and her name made me wonder about her heritage. Still that wasn't enough for me to request the book. Months passed before I stumbled upon it again and this time I decided to give it a shot and see what it is about. I'm glad I did.

The main characters in this novel are Cornelia and Clare. Cornelia is a coffee shop manager in Philadelphia, and Clare is an 11 year old girl. In the first chapters in the book, we meet them and find out that Cornelia is still trying to figure out the rest of her life, loves her family even if they can drive her crazy at times (isn't that true of all families?). Clare is an only child who has never met her father. She has an eccentric mother and has begun to worry that her mom is off because of her erratic behavior.

I have to admit, the first few chapters I simply didn't understand how these two characters would find their way to each other. And that was the reason I kept on reading the book. I was hooked then.

A handsome man walks in the coffee shop one day and Cornelia, who is a fan of old Hollywood movies, believes this is the man of her dreams. We see how their relationship develops and how Cornelia begins to suspect that, perhaps, she was too quick on her assessment of him being the perfect guy.

So where is the love that walked in, as the title suggests? It isn't a romantic love. Clare turns out to be the daughter of Cornelia's boyfriend, the one he never mentioned until Clare showed at his doorsteps, having been abandoned by her bipolar mother.

It is the love between Clare and Cornelia that touched my heart, the love that walked in. Once she gets over the initial shock, Cornelia realizes that Clare has no one and needs her. And she begins to realize how much she needs Clare too.

Through the book, we see the bond between Cornelia and Clare grow stronger, until they become family. Don't we all have those people in our life, who weren't born into our blood family but are family nonetheless? I know I do.

Cornelia finds real love, Clare finds her mother again, and the book ends with Cornelia making the difficult decision to put some distance between her and Clare to allow Clare and her mom to bond once again. It was the love between these two strangers that touched my heart and made me realize that this same type love is still alive in this world.

Belong to me is not a sequel to Love Walked in. But Cornelia, her now husband Teo, and Clare are in this book also. I read the book because I could not wait to see what had happened to Cornelia and Clare.

Cornelia chooses to move out of the city into suburbia. Clare is living with her mom, being a typical teenager. Cornelia struggles making new friends in a place where people worry so much about appearances, about their kids attending the right school, having a manicured lawn, etc.

We meet Dev who is an incredibly intelligent teenager trying to fit in. His mother moves him across the country and they settle in the same neighborhood as Cornelia and Teo. Dev has never met his father. Cornelia becomes friends with Dev's mother Lake.

There is also Piper who is a model suburbia mother, trying to keep all things in order while trying to be there for her best friend Elizabeth who is dying of cancer. Piper is not an easy character to like. But through the illness and death of Elizabeth we begin to see her human side. She and Cornelia eventually become friends.

I guess this book is more about secrets, about pretending to be something you are not, and about letting people into your life.
We all have secrets, some darker than others. In this book, we see those secrets come to the surface. Piper has secrets and begins to realize she has not allowed herself to live her life because she has been too worried about what people would think of her. Lake has a secret that has dictated her cross country move and that shakes her relationship with her son Dev after it is revealed.

We see Cornelia and Clare still close, still family. And when everyone's secrets finally come out, it is that closeness, that sense of family that allows Cornelia to get passed the hurt, the shock, and embrace this new family that has opened up.

I loved every character in these two books. I loved their humanity. I'm sure everyone knows at least one person who resembles one of the characters. They are real, they have emotions, secrets, and aspirations as the rest of us. And their lives may resemble our own. They are human to me, and they reminded me of the good still left in this world.

Book Review: Can you keep a secret? by Sophia Kinsella

2011-02-22T10:10:00.005-06:00

I'm participating in a reading challenge this year. The fact is I love books but needed a way to "spice up" what I read. Hence my decision to do this book challenge. It has proven to be a good decision!

How did I come about this book? I guess I should start by saying this is not the type of book I normally would pick up at the library. In a normal day, I would have passed right by it without a second glance. But one of the categories for this challenge is a Random book. One you just stumble upon at random, without thinking.

I marched into the local library with the idea the chosen book would find its way into my hands. Isn't that how random works? I tried to recall all the theories about randomness I heard while in school. Alas, none came to me. Still I just knew the book would find its way into my hands.

And it did. As I was walking down the aisle, waiting for the book to say "pick me, pick me", this book with pink cover stood out. I had to pick it up. For starters, why a pink cover? I'm not a fan of pink, so that was clue #1 this book may be a contender. Under normal circumstances, the color of the cover alone would have made me pass right by it without a second glance. I read the title and I knew I had to read it. I had to find out what this secret was about.

The book I read is "Can you keep a secret" by Sophia Kinsella. I'll be honest, I had only heard of her at passing. I found out later she has a trilogy of Shopaholic books. I'm not a big shopper, so never had any desire of reading these books.

I read the book in 2 days, I simply could not put it down. It was the perfect book for the kind of week I was having. I had a house full of sick children and one adult, and needed something to help me unwind at the end of the day.
Call it chick lit, or whatever you want. The fact is the minute I met Emma Corrigan, I liked her. She reminded me of most every one of my friends, wrapped up in one. She is trying to get ahead in the corporate world, while trying to figure out what exactly she wants out of life. Haven't we all experienced that at some point in our lives? I know I have.

Emma happens to hate flying, not something I share with her, as I wish I could fly to work every single day. She is flying back home after disastrous work meeting and ends up telling all her secrets to a complete stranger on the plane. She thought she was going to die and felt the need to tell someone all those things. The plane had hit turbulence and she was absolutely certain this was it. So she spilled the beans, from how she is killing a coworker's plant by feeding orange juice to what type of underwear she despises, and everything in between.

To say I like Emma is an understatement. I liked her immediately, mostly because I cannot imagine ever sharing my secrets with a strange man on an airplane.

Turns out the stranger is the CEO of the company she works for. Of course, she has no idea who he is until he shows up at work the next day and she realizes that's the man from the plane.

Their story takes a lot of delicious twists and turns that could never be captured accurately in film. The type of stuff that makes you stay awake passed your bedtime (even though you have to be up before the crack of dawn) just because you have to know what's going to happen to Emma next.

I devoured this book as easily as I devour a Ghiardelli chocolate bar. Guilty pleasure. I enjoyed meeting Emma, rejoiced with her when she found love, and felt her pain when she had her heart broken on national tv.

As I said before, I love books. Some are easier to read than others, some have a complex plot line that requires you to pay attention so you don't miss a thing. If you are looking for a delightful story that will make you laugh out loud, and cheer for a unlikely heroine, this book is for you. If you want a break from big complex fiction plots and just want to read something lighthearted, this book is for you.

Reading Challenge

2011-02-07T16:37:00.002-06:00

I love to read, and love books (as the collection of them all over my house will attest). So I've decided to participate in a reading challenge this year.

I found out about this challenge from a member of Paperback Swap (long story!) but I'm glad I did because I love challenges and this one should be fun. Wanna know more about the challenge? You can go to her page where it is all explained.

Every book I read I will review on this blog too. Maybe someone will want to pick one of these books, plus it will help keep track of all I've read so far.

Happy Reading!

Another year

2011-01-23T12:03:00.003-06:00

So yesterday I added yet another year to my birthday number. I like birthdays. I know some people don't like to think about them because that means they are getting older.

But I like birthdays. As a kid, birthdays were a big celebration. Big party, entire neighborhood invited, grown up and kids celebrating together. Everyone happy to celebrate the birth of that particular person. We wore new outfits for the occasion and got showered with attention and love from everyone.

Even though I'm older, I still get excited about birthdays. Not because of the party or the presents, although those are nice too, but because they mean I made it through another year. I love the fact my birthday follows so closely to the new year. I don't have to wait months and months to start living another 'yearly adventure'.

Last year was a year of self discovery for me. You'd think at 37 I would know all there is to know about myself. I don't, and I hope I never do. The fact I'm still growing as a person and learning about myself means I'm still capable of dreaming. At least that's what it means to me.

Self discovery is not easy and it isn't always pleasant. This past year wasn't exactly a walk in the park. I stood in front of an imaginary mirror and took a hard look at the person I am. While looking, I found things I never noticed were there. Or may I did know, and simply hadn't paid much attention to it.

Regardless, the journey was difficult. I had to learn to accept the flaws that mirror showed me, the rough edges that are going to need some attention in the near future. But that journey, as difficult as it may have been, brought me to this point.

I am very comfortable with myself now. Make no mistake, I was comfortable with me when last year's birthday came. But I had no idea what the year would be like. I had no clue about the disappointments that loomed at a distance. I had no clue that my integrity and my character would be challenged. The person who emerged from this self discovery journey is stronger, and happier than the one who started the journey.

So here I stand, on day one of the next year of my life. I'm ready for whatever challenges will come my way this year. I am happier, and much more comfortable in my own skin. You know how people sometimes say "Oh, how I wish I could back to when I was X years old". I never have. Every year has been special and has left wonderful memories. But I wouldn't want to go back.

Sometimes I see the person I was at 23, and realize how little I knew then. The years that have passed since then have made me a stronger, more secure person. If I could give her advice, I would tell her nothing. She has to experience life for herself so she can reach this point in her life.

So I raise my glass and toast my last 37 years of life, and look forward to the next 37. May they all be full of adventures. Salud!!!

Illegal Immigrant Bill- MS Legislature

2011-01-14T11:06:00.007-06:00

I'm pretty certain many of my friends are going to disagree with me on this post. I respect their opinion and I hope they grant me the same respect on mine.

I happened to notice this article today. Normally, I don't discuss my opinions on bills passed in the legislature with anyone beside my closest friends and family. If there is something I have learned through the years, you don't discuss religion or politics with people you aren't sure will be able to "agree to disagree" with you.

But this particular bill hits home for me because I am an IMMIGRANT. Note I capitalize that because there is a difference among immigrants. Some of us are here legally, others are not. This post isn't about illegal immigration per se.

What it is about is how I don't think this bill would help defray illegal immigrants from coming to the state looking for work. All this bill will do is nurture the fear and prejudice of people, who think all who are different from them represent a threat to their way of life.

I happen to be one of those people who is different. I am an immigrant, I speak another language beside English. And yes, people have said to my face I am a threat to them, that I am taking jobs from their family. I had to laugh, I hate to admit it. I laughed. I am a professional engineer with 2 degrees in Engineering but I was taking a job away from a high school dropout. Yet there are more people like this person out there.

I am a US citizen, have been a citizen for many years. Even before I became a citizen, I paid taxes like the rest of the people in this state. I'm also fortunate enough to serve the taxpayers of this state by the work I do for a state agency. As you see, I don't feel I'm a threat to anyone. I am a registered voter, I am involved in my community, I attend church regularly, I follow the letter of the law.

Yet if this bill becomes law, I will become a threat only because of the way I look. That law would give a police officer the right to stop me just because he has probable cause to think I may be an illegal immigrant. And that probable cause would be the way I look.

I know what you are thinking. Why are you worried if you are a US citizen? You have nothing to worry about. Not exactly. You see, none of you (black or white) walks around with a copy of your birth certificate in your pocket or purse. You don't have to. I have no proof of my citizenship in my purse either. I wasn't given a handy card I could carry in my pocket to prove to anyone I am a citizen of this country. I was given a 8" by 11" document that specifically says it is NOT to be copied for any purpose.

I have a driver license, but a driver license does not prove citizenship. I wonder how many people know that. So even though I have a driver license issued by this state, I could still be detained because it does not prove I am here legally or that I am a citizen.

I think the times and efforts of the MS Legislature would be better spent coming up with a bill that levies heavier penalties on companies who hired illegal workers. Companies are getting away with a slap on the wrist and little else.

Let's face it, people come here in search of the American dream. If they can't find it here because they are not finding jobs, they will leave. No one wants to live on the streets, folks, I can attest to it.

In my opinion, this bill will do nothing more than to nurture the prejudice and racism of some who think anyone who looks different than them is unworthy of living in civilized society.

Let's find a solution to the problem without alienating people, without making those of us lucky enough to stand out in a crowd feel like criminals, even when we are not.

And if it becomes law, look for me in the 10 o'clock news. I'll be the one screaming while getting arrested for not having proof of citizenship with me.

Working mother???

2011-01-04T19:48:00.005-06:00

From time to time, the whole "working mother" dilemma raises up its ugly head and gets me all worked up.

You see, all mothers are working mothers. I have yet to meet one that didn't work. Being a working mom is part of the deal. It starts with feeding that tiny baby and it gets more demanding as the kids get older.
There are no sick days, no holidays, no vacation days. When you are sick, your "job" is still there, and boy, they expect you to take care of them just as if nothing was happening. Holidays? I'm willing to bet we work overtime without any extra pay. As for vacations, who else takes work with them on vacation?. Enough said.

You see, aside from being a mother, I am also an environmental engineer. I love what I do, I have the privilege of taking care of this beautiful earth God has entrusted us, and get paid for it. It is not easy to juggle a home with a job outside the house, but I feel my kids are well adjusted and know just how much I love them.

The part that aggravates me and gets me all riled up is when people assume that mothers who have a paid job outside their homes care less about their kids than those who can stay home with them. Let's get real. In today's world, it is very common for both parents to work in order to provide for their kids a good education, a comfortable home, and put food on the table. We are no exception to that.

We don't own fancy cars, we don't dress in expensive clothes, or take lavish vacations. We live within our means, and share our blessings with those less fortunate whenever we have a chance. The fact still remains I have to work. I just happen to be lucky enough to LOVE my job too.

That doesn't mean I don't love my kids. There is nothing I would not do for them. Except allowing them to go without food, or get less than an exceptional education. That I will not allow, specially when I am capable and willing to work to provide for them.

So yeah, I get insulted when people assume I work because I don't like being home with the kids. Or because my career is more important to me than the kids are. But the insult is even worse when it comes from another mother, one who is fortunate enough to be able to stay home with her kids.

Why must mothers put other mothers down? We are all in this together. I have good friends who work outside the home just like I do, and good friends who stay home with the kids. We are all on the same boat, trying to do what is best for our kids.

I know, we all tell ourselves our choices are the best choices. Some of us think our choice to work and provide a little extra for our kids is best; while others think staying home with them is the best decision. Whatever works for you and your family is the best decision, there is no "one choice fits all" in this situation.

So if you are a mom, regardless of whether you get a paycheck at your job, or your paycheck comes in hugs and kisses, please remember: We are all mothers, we all love our kids, and we are all in this together.

Our brain is doing what?

2011-01-02T18:10:00.002-06:00

Santa delivered a Wii at our house this year. It's red and pretty and it can keep us occupied for hours. We can play tennis, baseball, golf, boxing, even go bowling without leaving our living room. Not to mention we can now watch movies through the internet. What can I say? It's one handy piece of technology.

My daughter also received (as a gift from my sister and her husband) a Rubix Cube . Remember those? In all honesty, I didn't even know they still made those. I was probably my daughter's age (9) when my sister got one. She was a teenager then and the Cube was all the rage. If you could solve it, you were a genius!

So Candace asked me what she was suppose to do with it. I explained to her what the objective of this game was, and that, while she tried to solve the cube, her brain would be making new connections, neurons would interact with one another, the whole brain synopsis would be happening, I was just explaining brain science to her, when she looked at it, and decided "it is too hard".

I was doing the dishes ( I do my best thinking when I do dishes) and realized this generation, my kids' generation, is growing up in world where movies no longer come in VHS or even DVDs; where they don't have to leave the comfort of their home in order to play golf, and where life can happen in a virtual world. Then I wonder, is that good for them, for their brains?

When I was a kid, we imagined everything. Leaves were actually paper money, and we used sticks, empty jars and cans and anything else we could find to play. We didn't own a Nintendo, or had electronic games. iPods? Ha! That was something out of the Jetsons.

Then I came across an article on NPR news. Scientists have determined our brains are shrinking. Yep, shrinking. Of course, as all scientific discoveries, one group of scientists thinks it is a good thing. It means we are getting less aggressive, etc. (you can read the whole article by clicking on the link above). Another group of scientists thinks it's a sign we, humans, are getting dumber. Our world is so technologically advanced we don't need to use our brains as much.

It's hard to say which camp is correct. You can decide for yourself. In the meantime, I will make sure my kids make it to the real bowling alley, tennis court, and tackle that rubik cube until they figure it out. Just doing my part to make sure humanity remains smart.

It's a new year!

2011-01-01T20:22:00.003-06:00

" We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is called New Year's Day" ~ Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Happy New Year, everyone!

I am determined to write at least once a day on this blog. I often allow life to get in the way, then months pass by before I update it.

Writing is therapeutic for me, and God knows I need all the free therapy I can get!!! Between work, kids, and everything else; I often wonder how mothers don't go crazy before their children grow up.

2011 is full of promise, isn't it? Brand new, we have no idea what's in store for us. All we know is we get a chance to start over, to come up with a list of things we want to accomplish in this new year. We all have the New Year resolutions in our mind and we are certain this time we will get them all done!

I decided to come up with a simple list this year, mostly because the longer the list, the least likely I'll complete it.
My first one is to be more adventurous. Those who know me know I plan mostly everything. I'll think about it for weeks before I venture into something new. This year, I've decided I will try to be more spontaneous, which in my world means adventure. Plus I want to try a few things I haven't before like skydiving.

Number 2 on this list. Finish my novel. I started writing it but didn't finish. Who knew I had so much to say that a month would not be enough to finish saying it?

and last but not least, start running again. A few years back I trained for the Chicago Marathon. Yes, it was a whole lot of running. I know most people thought it was crazy. Truth be told, I miss those runs. Running is something you do alone, even if you have a running partner. It's you and the road. No one can run the distance for you, no one can pound the pavement for you. I specially liked the alone time that running afforded me. Alone time when you are a mother of 3 is a rare luxury.

So here is to 2011! May we all keep our resolutions!

If I had 15 minutes...

2010-11-04T14:24:00.004-05:00

So, one of those random idea generators suggested I write on this topic.

If I had 15 minutes to evacuate my home before it was to be destroyed by a hurricane, what 10 things would I grab (not including people or pets)

Umm, cannot grab people (most important to me). So there goes #1-4.

1) Cell Phone so I could communicate with the rest of the family
2) Glasses/Contacts because I am blind without them.
3) Pictures- As many of those as possible, I would probably have each family member carry an arm load of them.
4) Full Water bottles
5) Undergarments for the whole family and as many items of clothing as possible.
6) External hard drive and the computer tower, because that's where most of our pictures are stored.
7) Passports
8) Wedding ring
9)Purse
10)Snacks.

I'm not sure 15 minute would be enough time in a hurricane situation. I'd be looking for a safe place to ride out the storm. By the time I got done gathering all these items, the storm would be at my house and I would not make it out. So scratch that. I'd be running out the door as fast as I could, and leaving everything but my family behind.

Pet Peeve- Christmas Cards

2010-11-03T09:34:00.000-05:00

In the recent weeks, I have gotten 3 different sets of Christmas cards from three different charities who want me to give them money. I have never donated to their causes, I'm assuming they got my name from someone I have donated to. I don't know.
Each set had at least 5 nice cards, the envelopes, and one set even came with its matching labels.

Thing is, I have no intention of giving them any money. Or should I? These are nice cards and I could use them this upcoming Christmas. So does using them obligate me to donate? Should I feel guilty about sending them out when I know I didn't give them any money?

My pet peeve is they are wasting money printing cards and mailing them to folks like me, who probably will use them and don't give them a dime. How many of these have they sent? I wonder how much money this charity spends sending unwanted gifts to people in an effort to raise money.

Maybe they should use the money in their charity, rather than wasting it on me. The simple fact they are wasting the money on cards gives me the idea their overhead is too high and I probably don't want to give them money to waste on stuff like this.

So do I use the cards? Do I put them in the garbage? What is the appropriate etiquette?

Day 1- NanoWrimo

2010-11-01T19:17:00.002-05:00

Day 1. First day of the 50k novel challenge. I'm excited and frightened all at once.

You see, I'm my own worst critic. I will nitpick every flaw and eventually convince myself that what I've done is simply not good enough. This whole novel writing in one month thing is going to challenge me to the core.

I suppose to write without editing. Not going back and changing things, or analyzing what you wrote. Just write, that's the command. Just write.

An outline would be helpful, except I have no clue what I want to write about. Do I base it on my life and then turn it into fiction? Do I just go off the deep end and write about something all its own?

I really don't know. So tonight, after everyone is tucked in bed, I will sit down and start. I will pick my main character and start from there. I'm not expecting to write the next bestseller, or even a novel worthy of publishing.

But everyone, each one of my favorite writers, started out somewhere. Who knows, this may be my start.

Trick or Treat

2010-10-29T11:46:00.003-05:00

Every year I make a promise (to myself) that I will buy the costumes for next year as soon as they go on sale, and I will prepared for Halloween the following year.
Every year I forget all about it the minute it is over.

Last night found me at Wally World looking for a Batman costume. Of course they only had ONE and it was 100 times bigger than the boy who was going to wear it. Lots of Bat girl costumes though.

Wait, Bat Girl? Spider girl? Seriously?

I'm all for women equality. As a matter in fact, I have a career in a male dominated field. But come on! There is no Spider Girl, there is Spider MAN. There is nothing wrong with a girl wearing a Spider man costume if that's what she wants to be. No need to create super heroes that don't exist, so we can accommodate people's feelings.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Did not find Batman but found a Ninja costume, for the most adorable Asian-looking boy (and no, he is not Asian).

I was never fond of Halloween until I had kids. I guess since this wasn't something we did growing up, it was hard to get into the whole trick or treating thing. Until I had kids.

It's fun, the kids love dressing up and spooking each other, and the candy. Let's not forget the candy. So why are we starting to call it everything BUT Halloween? To make everyone happy. Are we going to start calling Thanksgiving something else too so we can be politically correct?

I like Halloween, I like the history behind it, but most of all, I like the excitement in my kids' face when they put their costumes on and become Spiderman, Ninjas and Vampires.
There is nothing evil about Halloween unless you make it evil. In my house, it's a fun day, when we get to be superheroes or scary people. I like that.

I think this year I'm going to be a tar ball, ha! Or a very tired engineer mom... Or a vampire...

What the heck is that?

2010-10-28T09:52:00.002-05:00

They have been staring at me for weeks. I can hear them laughing and mocking me. All this time I've been in denial. Of course, it doesn't help when people try to convince me I'm "seeing things".

If you know me, you know I'm not one to freak out about age. I have adopted the philosophy that age is just a number, and you are only as old as you feel. Of course, that means there are days when I feel twice my age, and others when I pretend I'm still a college coed.

This philosophy has served me well until this morning, when I saw the multitude of gray hairs that have sprouted out in my head!

Why me? I come from a long line of women who barely have any gray hairs. My 90 year old grandmother probably has less gray hairs than I do at this point. So why me? Why should I get this gene when no one else did?

My hairdresser, my husband, my sister; they've all tried to convince me I'm seeing things. That I'm the only person who can see them. Yeah, right. It is hard to hide gray hairs on black background, ask me how I know.

I know, I know. What happened to my philosophy on age? It's still there. I still think I'm only as old as I feel. My issue is, how can I feel 10 years younger when my hair keeps reminding me how close I am to my next milestone birthday? Mother Nature is simply not cooperating with me.

If I were a guy, I guess this wouldn't really face me. It's not unusual for 30-something men to have a few grays here and there. It adds character, right? But I'm not a guy, and I like my hair the color it is, thankyouverymuch!

I've tried to evict these offending grays, but they refuse to leave. As a matter in fact, they've brought their whole families, and friends to inhabit my head. Did they not get the memo? I am NOT old enough to have gray hairs!

So, these holidays I plan on getting acquainted with Miss Clairol and all her peeps. If you see me wearing a hat, you'll know our get together may have not gone as planned.

Landlocked

2010-07-14T15:39:00.004-05:00

I used to have an irrational fear of the ocean. When people find out, they usually ask "how is that possible, you grew up in Panama!".

Well, I'm not sure how it was possible but it was. For the majority of my life, I stayed away from the ocean. It didn't matter if the waves were 1or 12 feet high, I simply could not be near the water. It made me anxious, uneasy, just could not bear to be near.

As you can imagine, my vacations were not centered around the beach. I guess that is a good thing, as I've traveled quite a bit and seen many different places. It wasn't until a couple of years ago I finally faced my fear.

The time came to take my husband and kids to my home, to see the place where I was born, where I grew up. While there, I promised my daughter I would take her to see the Pacific Ocean.

I made good on that promise. It was there, standing in front of 12-15 ft waves, on the beach of my beloved Panama, where I faced my demons. I let the ocean speak to me, and calm my fears. It wasn't easy, I would be lying if I said the fear just went away in one instant. But the anxiety went away and I was able to actually enjoy the beauty of the ocean.

The following year, our family vacationed in Navarre Beach. Our first official beach vacation and one I'm glad we took. The water was gorgeous, white sandy beaches, and I was actually able to enjoy the sound of the waves.

Little did I know all of that would come in handy this year. I'm now rotating on a regular basis to the coast, to work on the oil spill response. Needless to say, if I hadn't gotten over my fear, I probably would have had to ask to be removed from this assignment. I definitely wouldn't have been able to drive along the coast, or get on a boat.

So I'm now back in my office and feeling landlocked. Wow. Who would have thought I'd miss the sound of the waves!!! But I do. I have come to enjoy driving along I-90, or just staring at the bay out of the office window.

Yeah, I miss the waves. If it wasn't for those pesky hurricanes, I would even consider moving closer to the water.

Resurrection

2010-07-12T16:34:00.003-05:00

Not that kind of resurrection. I'm trying to bring this blog back to life. Don't you just hate it when life gets in the way of blogging? I do.

April 30th was the last time I updated this blog. Almost 3 months ago. Ten days after the oil spill in the Gulf began, isn't that something?

The past 3 months have been quite hectic and crazy, to say the least. We had piano, and dance recitals in May, birthday celebrations, and 2 trips to the Gulf coast to work on the oil spill response. Pretty much the same in June and July.

Because of my job, I've been traveling back and forth to the coast to "work" on the oil spill response. I say "work" because my job duties do not include removing tarballs/oil or operating skimmers, or anything of the sort. But still, however small my part is, it does require me to be away from my family for two weeks every month.

I bet you thought the spill only affected those who live at the coast, didn't you? Nope, it affects many of us who work for state agencies, specially those of us in the environmental field. I have learned quite a bit since I started working in these new duties, and I've met so many people. It has been a good experience overall, if one overlooks the obvious impact this has had on the environment and the economy of a region that has just begun to recover from Katrina.

Aside from work, I spent a wonderful week with my family in the Smoky Mountains. Wonderful doesn't even begin to describe it. We rented a cabin in the village of Cobbly Nob with the most amazing view of the Smokies. We were all in awe every morning when we looked out of the window. It was just what the doctor ordered.

Then there was the 2010 World Cup. I'm a huge soccer fan, and have been for as long as I can remember. Watching the games this year reminded me of my childhood for some reason. It was a memorable tournament to say the least. I'm looking forward to 2014. Not only it's a milestone year for me (I'll be turning 40!), but it's also the next World Cup in Brazil. I am hoping I will make it to Brazil, watching a World cup game live is one of those things on my " bucket list".

I am hoping to keep this blog updated. It gives me a much needed stress release, so here it's to hoping this blog is alive again!

Goals

2010-04-30T16:12:00.003-05:00

I had one of those moments today, when I thought "wow, I'm actually doing just fine when it comes to this parenting thing".

My oldest child is finishing 2nd grade in a few weeks. As most schools, hers also participates in the Accelerated Reader program. They have to meet monthly goals in order to get their grades in Reading, but the kids who achieve 100 points during the school year have the opportunity to go on a field trip.

Last year, we didn't meet the goal of 100 points. We came close, somewhere around the 70s. It was our first year, she was still new to reading, and I was pretty proud of her because getting those points was not easy. You see, most books at her reading level are worth only 1/2 a point. Getting to 70 meant she had to read over 100 books, all while attending dance lessons, music lessons, and playing soccer.

When this school year began, she said she wanted to go on the field trip. I told her she could go as long as she did the work. I cannot read the books for her, nor can I take the tests for her. I explained she had to set her goal and stay committed to achieving it. And I told her I knew she could do it.

Today was award day at school. They were handed out certificates, and the Headmaster read outloud their total points for the Accelerated Reader program. I was so proud when she said my daughter's name and her total points: 178.4

I can tell you getting all those points was all her doing. I did not nag her to read, I didn't have to remind her, or yell and scream at her to do her work. She knew she wanted to go on that field trip and shortly after the Christmas holiday, she arrived at the 100 points mark.

But she didn't stop there. She decided to see if she could get to 200 points before awards day. I once again reminded her she has a busy schedule, other activities to tend to, and that I would be proud of her regardless.

She didn't get to 200 points but that really doesn't matter to either of us. She was beaming, very proud of her accomplishment. I was very proud of her because I know she earned it on her own. Yes, I bought some of the books she read, and took her to the library to get books too. But this was all her doing.

I'm elated that my child got to the experience the pride one feels when accomplishing a goal.

Birthdays

2010-04-23T13:23:00.006-05:00

My twin boys are about to celebrate another birthday. Number 4. It's hard to believe they are already 4 but at the same time, I'm glad to watch them become more and more independent.

Growing up, birthdays were a big deal in my family. It was a big reason to celebrate, the fact you had been born. I grew up loving birthdays and loving celebrating them.

I have a vague memory of my 3rd birthday party. I remember the 20+ kids from all over the neighborhood, and their parents all in the front yard of our tiny duplex. It was a celebration of my birth! We had music, food, cake, and even a giant pinata shaped like a rabbit.
I don't remember the details, but I have seen the pictures of me crying, holding on to my pinata as if it was a lifesaving device. My older sisters like to tell the story. Apparently I did not want to share my rabbit with any other kid. Well, pinatas are meant to be hit with a stick until they burst and the candy come out. Imagine being 3 years old and being told the kids in the neighborhood are about to murder your giant bunny.

The fact is we always celebrate birthdays in a big way. As I got older and money became scarce, mom always made sure we had at least a cake. I learned to appreciate the gesture of a birthday rather than the decorations, pinatas and gifts.

I'm now a mother trying to figure out the correct way to celebrate my kids' birthdays. Have you hosted a kid's party recently? You will spend a small fortune in a simple birthday party. I've read articles about parents spending up to $10 grand for a kid's party. Seriously? Are we teaching our kids that putting on a show is more important than having a good time, celebrating with friends and family?

It's a hard balance between being reasonable and wanting your child to be happy. Kids want to have a bigger and better party than the one "Joe" had, a more exciting party. Having a party at home, in your own backyard has become the exception, not the norm.

I'll admit I'm one of those parents who has parties away from home, mainly because I work outside the home, and hosting a party means cleaning the house before and after the party, and trying to keep kids out of the laundry room, my room, or the bathrooms.

I just wish there was a more affordable way to celebrate birthdays. Parties have become exclusive, most places will quote you a price for X number of kids, and you have to pay extra for each child over than number. Depending on the child's age, most kids have more than 8 friends, they want everyone in their class to be there and celebrate.

Affordable celebrations should be fun without a huge price tag, and should bring happiness to the child and to the parents without breaking the bank.

I'm getting ready to plan my twin's party at home. They are too young to go skating, and such; so for now I'll enjoy the savings of hosting the party. And the "joy" of cleaning the house.

Change and Possibility

2010-04-22T13:06:00.002-05:00

I'll be the first to admit I don't like change. Mostly because I like to research, and research, and research some more before I make a decision about anything. So when change happens, and I haven't done my research, it rattles me and leaves me without a map.
But change brings possibility right along with it. It is always there, if I just remain calm, I will find it.

In the last month, our family has been going through many changes. Some of them were planned (by yours truly) mostly, others were a long time coming, and I just had to step back and allow them to happen. I'd be lying if I said I haven't been nervous about it. I have, I'm human, and it's in my nature.

But I've been trying to stop and smell the roses, find the possibilities, the new world that these changes have been opening up for us.

My family has found a new place to worship, together as a family. It may seem trivial to you, it isn't so for me. Being able to worship as a family is one of those "big ticket items" on my list of things families do together. Perhaps it is because I never had that as a child, but I want my kids to grow up believing in something bigger than themselves. I guess I want to lay the foundation, they'll finish building once they get old enough to make their decisions.

This new change hasn't been easy for me. Kids adapt easier, and even my husband has. This change has meant stepping in faith into a new beginning. Cutting ties with what I've known my entire life, and opening up to a world of possibilities in this new life.

We've also found ourselves busier than ever, both my husband and I. Work has been multiplying for him, which is a blessing in these hard economic times. It's easy for me to sit and complain because I don't get to spend a lot of time with him because he is busy. But this too brings lots of possibilities along with it. Maybe we'll get to move into a new house sooner than we anticipated, maybe we'll get to do other things we thought we'd have to put off a few more years.

Changes isn't always easy. But I've found it doesn't always has to be nerve-wracking, bite-your-nails change. It can also be full of possibilities, of new beginnings, of beauty and blessings.

Count your blessings

2010-04-21T22:19:00.001-05:00

I'm sitting here, wondering if I should get a new dishwasher and take
advantage of the rebate program that starts tomorrow. Sounds like a
great deal, right?

We haven't had a dishwasher for over a year, and the truth is we've
survived just fine without one. It is a want, not a need.

I guess I need to stop and count my blessings more often.
As the song of my childhood said
Bendiciones, cuenta y veras,
Bendiciones que recibiras
Bendiciones, cuenta y veras cuantas bendiciones de Jesus tendras

When I grow up, I want to be...

2010-04-21T11:45:00.003-05:00

I was thinking the other day about so many different jobs I'd like to try. I have a list of things I'd like to do, but what about jobs I'd like to have? Never really thought about it until I walked to get coffee the next morning.

So here is a list of jobs I would like to try, at least once. If money was no object and I could do them all just for the experience, I would. Wealthy benefactor, are you reading this?

1) Chef. I love to cook and I think I'm pretty good at it. I would love to run a kitchen, and spend a whole day around food.

2) Lawyer. Because this has been a dream of mine since childhood, and if money was no object, I wouldn't have to borrow a small fortune to get a law degree.

3) Teacher. I'm not sure why I'd like to be a teacher, they are underpaid, and don't receive the respect they deserve. Still, I'd like the opportunity to open up little minds to an endless world of possibility.

4) Travel Channel host, you know those people who have all those travel shows? Who wouldn't want to get paid to travel and see the world? I would.

5) Operator of the Panama Canal. Just because. It's an engineering marble, it's in my country, what else can I say?

6) Owner of a Coffee Shop/Bakery. I love coffee, and I love bread. I'd love to own a quaint little coffee shop where people could come in, have coffee, pastries, relax.

7) Pilot. Once upon a time, I considered joining the Navy. It wasn't meant to be, but I'd love to learn how to fly a plane.

8) Party Planner/Caterer. I think it'd be fun to plan parties for people, don't you?

9) Artist. I'm somewhat "challenged" in the creative arts department. I don't sing, play instruments, and my paintings won't be on the walls of any museums any time soon. But I'd love to be an artist.

10) Writer. I want people to pay so they can read my ramblings. ha!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

2010-04-20T16:26:00.005-05:00

According to Merriam Webster, to respect someone is to "consider worthy of high regard".
As a kid, I was taught to respect, not only my parents, but elders, teachers, coaches, etc.

Is that still the norm? I'm beginning to wonder what has happened to teach our kids respect for other people.

I was chatting with a coworker a few days ago and our conversation navigated into the topic of sports. My daughter plays soccer and his kids do too, so we usually end up comparing notes since our kids play in different leagues. I was telling him about my experience as a coach this past soccer season, and he shared with me the behavior he has seen from some of the kids. For starters, kids openly defying the coaches when given an order, telling them "you are not my parent, I don't have to do what you say", or even sitting out during a tournament because they don't want to play the position the coach has assigned to them.

Whatever happened to teaching your kids to respect other adults besides their parents? Is that teaching outdated?

I certainly hope not. I don't know everything when it comes to parenting. Truth be told, I probably know little to nothing, but there are a few things I want my kids to remember always, and one of those is to respect all people, specially those who have something to offer/teach them: teachers, coaches, pastors.

How are these children suppose to learn how to be a part of a team, when their parents allow them to act this way? How are they to learn camarederie and good sportsmanship when they disrespect the person guiding them through the games, and even their teammates?

Coaching is not an easy job, as I learned last season. We don't get paid, most of us volunteer our time because we want our kids to have the opportunity to learn a sport, remain healthy, and learn how to be a part of a team. I know many of us don't do it because we have "free" time or because we just have endless hours in our days. The last thing we need is a child who is disrespectful towards us.

Coaching is hard. It is not easy to remain calm when your team is not listening to your directions. It is not easy to discipline someone else's child while their parents are watching. It is not an easy job.

So if you are a parent of a child who plays sport, please remind your child to show respect for the coach. Yes, there are coaches out there who makes parents like myself lose their calm, who disrespect the kids in the name of sports. I don't tolerate that. But that's a battle for the parent, not the kid.

I don't agree with children disrespecting adults in any situation, warranted or not. My children know it, and they are constantly reminded when I see another child disrespect an adult in their presence.

So if you ever see one my kids be disrespectful to an adult in your presence, please correct them, I beg you!
And then tell me, so I can make sure they get a lesson in respect directly from me. I don't want my kids to join those children who are growing up thinking disrespecting others is acceptable.

Random Friday

2010-04-16T13:36:00.002-05:00

Quitting time is so close, I can almost taste it. So, since it's Friday, and a too-short weekend is about to begin, I'm just going to write about random stuff that's been buzzing around my head today.

*I was driving back to work earlier today, after a quick trip to the store in search of a pair of white shorts for my daughter's softball uniform (which my husband had to pay for when he received it).

I've been trying to figure out why the cost of the uniform (including said shorts) is not included in the $50+ I paid when I signed her up. I mean, I know uniforms cost money. She has played soccer for several years, and the fee we pay includes her uniform and a nice trophy. How come this fee doesn't include a pair of white shorts, or the whole uniform? But I digress. That's just my thrifty self talking.

Anyway, back to my point. This state (Mississippi) ranks #1 when it comes to childhood obesity. I know a lot of it has to do with the fact we rank #1 in adult obesity too, and the link between obese parents, and obese children, and unhealthy foods in school, etc.

But you know what? I think it also has to do with the fact we, the parents, have to pay in order for our kids to play organized sports. Not everyone can afford to pay $50+ for ONE child to play in the league. I'm not naive enough to think that everything is free. I just wish local government (as in the City/County government where I live) would be more willing to fund programs for kids to stay active than to continue funding a crappy school system.

That's just a theory. Prove me wrong, I'm quite ok with that. By next year, I will have 3 kids playing sports. When it comes time to sign them up for soccer, softball, t-ball, whatever, I'll have to write a check for over $100 just so they can participate. Let's not even factor in the shoes, or whatever other equipment they may need. I'm glad we can afford it, and we are willing to pay it because we want our kids to be physically active.

But what if we could not afford it? Why should the children with limited means be kept from participating in activities that would help them develop self esteem, healthy habits, etc? They shouldn't be.

I don't have any solutions, I only have complaints. Hey, it's Friday. What else do you want?

* A couple of years ago, I blogged about needing a parenting manual . That manual still hasn't shown up at my house.
Having kids can be fun, exhausting, and nerve wracking all in one. I'm there, right now. I have a daughter who is turning 9 this year, she will officially become a tween. If you don't know what that is, you are not alone. I had to google it.

So she is getting older and along with that, come a whole lot of changes. She wants more privacy, which her brothers refuse to give her. What's wrong with them barging in the bathroom while she is taking a shower, right? Or (their favorite), let's take our clothes off and run around the house while our sister is screaming to the top of her lungs "they are naked, mom, do something".

Yeah, it's fun. She is starting to discover changes in her body, which means she is growing up. In the meantime, I'm finding more gray hairs which can only mean one thing, this is way more stressful than I anticipated.

* Birthday parties are looming in the horizon. The boys will be turning 4. Of course, they want X and Y for their birthdays. I have told them several times they have the same birthday, so they get one party. I'm pretty sure they know what I'm saying, they are just not listening.
Boys apparently develop that selective hearing early in life.

*Anniversary is also looming in the horizon. TEN years, folks. TEN. We have survived being first time parents, moving to another state, moving back, a hurricane, TWINS and still love each other. It is nice to know there is someone right next to you who knows what is like to hear 2 babies screaming at the same time in the middle of the night.

* Piano recital is coming. I cried like an idiot last year at her first one. I'm pretty certain I will again this year because that's what mothers do right? We embarrass our kids by crying at all their events. Dance recital is also coming, and I'm sure I will need another box of tissue for that one.

I'm pretty certain a few more grays hairs just popped up. Off to find some tweezers so I banish those pesky hairs to oblivion.

Crossroads

2010-04-15T16:34:00.003-05:00

I will be the first to admit I don't like change, and I'm not talking about the loose coins in my purse.

Perhaps it is because I've had to change and adapt so many times, moving from one country to another. I'm not really sure. I'm a creature of habit.

For as long as I can remember, my religion has been a part of my identity, just as the color of my eyes, or the fact Spanish is my first language. Being a part of another religion was something I never entertained. How can one change who they are, right?

I grew up in a home where no religion was practiced. By the time I was old enough to understand what religion and faith were, my father no longer considered himself part of the same religion as the one he was baptized into. My mom considered herself to be, but only attended church on special occasions. I find it ironic that even in that situation, my religious identity because so important to me.

I attended a religious school, where we prayed before every class, attended services once a week and religion was a subject we were required to take. Even though my parents were not actively practicing their beliefs, I was brought in the faith.

I remember being 11 and walking to church alone on Sunday. Service would start at 11 am and I vividly remember leaving my house, dressed in my Sunday best and walking 20 minutes to church. I never felt lonely or out of place, sitting in a pew all by myself. I think about that little girl sitting inside that huge cathedral often. Mainly because I cannot imagine how I would feel if that was my child, attending church by herself.

The truth is I never felt lonely on those days. I enjoyed going to church, even if I was going alone. I never gave it much thought because that was just the way things were. And so my religion, and my way of worship became part of who I was.

It never occurred to me that I could worship in a different way. Could I be born again with blue eyes, or blond hair? Changing that part of me was simply not possible.

Then I grew up. I learned the world is full of people who are so different and yet so fascinating. I met people whose faith was an important part of them and yet, they worshipped in a different way.

So here I am, in the crossroads. I sit here wondering in which direction to go. Do I retrace my steps back to where I began, do I take the new unknown path?

I think I will sit here, quietly. I will close my eyes, and retrace the steps that brought me to this point in life. I will listen to the voice inside my head that usually leads me in the right path, and then I will take a step. In faith.

10 People who I would love to meet

2010-04-08T10:53:00.003-05:00

My list of ten people who are alive today, and I would love to meet.

1) Dalai Lama. His messages are usually about love and harmony and peace. I think a lot can be learned from him. Plus my father is a Buddhist.

2) Queen Elizabeth. She is a fascinating person to me. For decades, she has been in a position of power usually occupied by men. I'd like to know how she really felt about the late princess Diana.

3) Gabriel Garcia Marquez. He is my favorite author. I love his work and would love to sit down with him and just listen to his life experience.

4) John McCain. Not because I want to discuss politics with him, but because I've always found him to be a fascinating person of integrity.

5) George Bush Sr. Again, no political discussion here. I want to ask him about the whole issue with Noriega. Was he really trained by the CIA? What happened that made him turn against the USA.

6) Jenna Bush. I like her. I think she has a good heart. Ever since I heard about her doing work in Panama with children who are suffering of AIDS, I wanted to meet her. Plus, I want to know what it's like to have a dad who sits in the Oval Office. How do you stay "real"?

7) George Clooney, because he looks like he would be tons of fun. and of course, he is easy on the eyes too. ha!

8) Drew Brees. Do I really need to say why? Not only is he cute, he won the Superbowl, and he has a good heart.

9) The Pope. I want to know why he continues to ignore the pain of the victims and the pain of the millions of Catholics around the world who are struggling with the sexual abuse scandal. Why hasn't he come out and defend himself against the accusations? And why has he allowed other clergy to call the accusations "petty gossip"?
I'm certain this meeting would consist of a lot of yelling by me, and a lot of silence by him.

10) Hon. Sonia Sotomayor. What can I say? She is an immigrant (like me), a latina woman, who has lived the American dream. I'd want to hear about her journey.

50 Things about me

2010-04-07T10:53:00.008-05:00

I'm not sure if I've posted this list here before or not. What can I say? My memory isn't what it used to be.
So I give you 50 random facts about me.

1) I was born on January 22. My parents' anniversary was on January 21 so my mom wanted me to be born on that day. I'm sure she is glad I wasn't, being they are no longer together.

2) I want to be a lawyer one day when I grow up. That's been my dream since 5th grade. Probably environmental law, so I could use all my degrees.

3) Until 2008, I had an irrational fear of the ocean. To the point I couldn't even drive along the ocean without having an anxiety attack. I got over it standing in front of the Pacific Ocean back in Panama.

4) I've lived in 3 countries in my life: Panama, Costa Rica, and now USA

5) I hate peanut butter and mushrooms.

6) I graduated 3rd in my senior class.

7) I chose my career path my senior year in high school. I thought I wanted to change majors when I was a junior in college. After going to career counseling, it turned out I could chose chemistry or chemical engineering. I stuck with engineering.

8) I've worn glasses since 6th grade. I broke my first pair because I hated wearing them. Thank God for contacts!

9)I had my first job when I was 13, wrapping presents during Christmas at a store back home. December in Panama = HOT. The area where I worked was outside so I spent the entire month wrapping presents for $5.60 per day. Yes, per day, it was minimum wage. I thought I was rich.

10) My father is a Buddhist.

11) I have 3 siblings from my father's first marriage, one brother, and two sisters.

12) I absolutely loved school. looked forward to going to school and learning new things. Yes, I know, I’m a geek. I never get tired of learning.

13) I arrived in New Orleans on December 20, 1990. Everything I owned fit inside a mid-size suitcase.

14) I love to cook and try to do so every day. I learned to cook watching my grandmother as a kid. I express my love for others through my cooking. I would love to be a chef.

15) I trained for the Chicago marathon back in 2007. I didn't get to finish it because they shut down the race due to the heat. But I know I could have finished. Longest run I've completed: 22 miles.

16) I want to run the entire Chicago marathon one day.

17) I've been to Niagara Falls in the winter. Amazing!

18) I collect elephant figurines.

19) I'm terrified of snakes. Can't even watch them on TV.

20) I've been camping once in my life.

21) I don't know how to swim. at all. can't even do the "doggie paddle".

22) I don't play any instruments, or sing.

23) I do watercolor painting to relax.

24) My favorite book is One Hundred Years of Solitude, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I've read it more times than I can remember, in both Spanish and English.

25) I've never broken a bone.

26) I love soccer.

27) I love dogs and don't care for cats.

28) Went to Ole Miss for both my undergrad and graduate degrees. I'm an Ole Miss Rebel. Enough said.

29) I like taking showers, not baths. Don't care to sit in a tub full of water.

30) I love walking around the house barefoot.

31) I read all the books in the Twilight Saga and loved them. Yes, not exactly a literary gem but I enjoyed them all the same.

32) I was married "twice" to the same man. sort of. We got married in the Baptist church, and a year later, in the Catholic church. Long story, for another time.

33) There are no plants inside my house. All of my plants die, even cactus.

34) I love flowers, specially carnations.

35) I love coffee. Gotta have a cup every morning to start my day the right way.

36) Wheat beer, chardonnay, and merlot. I like them all, but not at the same time.

37) I dream of moving back to Panama one day.

38) I have no regrets in life. Every choice I've made helped me become who I am.

39) I'm shy when I first meet people.

40) Aside from Panamanian food, I love Italian food.

41) I never dreamed of being a mom. It just wasn't part of my "life plan". Until I met my husband. Then I realized I wanted to bring life into this world. I'm glad I did.

42) If I could invite one person to dinner, dead or alive, I'd like to meet Mother Theresa. Her life was so inspiring, not just to Christians, but to all people.

43) I'm allergic to narrow minded people. They make me want to hit them so I avoid them at all costs.

44) I have a list of things I'd like to do before I leave this earth. It is a work in progress.

45) I know how to drive a manual transmission car. I traded mine for an automatic when I had kids so I could "reach in the backseat".

46) I hate, hate, hate to spend money on myself. I have no issues spending it on my kids, or on other people who need it. But myself? It can always wait.

47) I hope to write a book one day about my family. So many great people, and lots and lots of dysfunctional drama. ;-)

48) My first car was a 1979 (baby) Yellow Montecarlo. I loved that car.

49) Making this list was a lot harder than I thought. I realized how boring I am.

50) I hope to revise this list next year and hopefully have more interesting stuff to say.

Remembering Abuelo on Good Friday

2010-04-02T14:40:00.002-05:00

Lately, I've been having a "spiritual crisis" of sort. I have been questioning my beliefs, and those of my ancestors. You see, my family has always been Catholic. I was born into a Catholic family, in country where the vast majority (90% or more at that time) were also Catholic. To worship differently was to be an outsider.
So, 36 years later, I'm questioning where I am spiritually and where I'd like to be when the day comes to depart this earth.

Wow, that was deep, wasn't it? But this blog isn't about my journey, or my crisis.

For as long as I can remember, Good Friday has been a day of mourning. Even before I really understood what Christians were celebrating during these holy days, I just knew it was a special day.
The whole world would shut down once the Tridiuum began. Holy Thursday marked the beginning as we prepared for the days to come.

As a kid, I was taught on this day, we were to reflect and pray on the sacrifice Jesus made for mankind. There was no secular music on the radio stations, no fighting or shouting at my house. It was a day of prayer.

Abuelo (my maternal grandfather) was a spiritual man but not a religious man. That's not to say he wasn't a believer. He was a man of faith, and he prayed. His temple wasn't a building, it was simply nature. He loved being in nature, and cherish all the things God had given him.

On Good Friday, Abuelo didn't work. He always said it was a day of prayer and reflection. He would rise early, as always, and without saying a word, he would go outside for his Good Friday ritual. I'm not sure what the ritual was about or what exactly he did. All I know is this was his quiet time with God and he took it very seriously.

Abuelo grew up in the mountains, where the nearest church was at least a day away, and you had to ride a horse to the main road before you could find a bus to ride to town. So attending church wasn't something he did regularly, even when transportation became more available.

But he lived his 93 years of life by the Golden Rule: Love your neighbor as yourself, and God above all things. He helped strangers and family alike. He was kind to people, and thankful of the blessings God gave him. He didn't need to be in church every Sunday to know that God was just a prayer away.

So today, on Good Friday, I'm thinking of Abuelo. He knew that his salvation was not coming from a building where a man presided over the service. He never doubted his salvation would come from the one who died on the Cross. I miss Abuelo. But I'm certain he is finally home and rejoicing in the presence of his Savior.

Unforgettable Moments: Part 2

2010-03-31T16:57:00.002-05:00

Took a while to get back and finish my list of unforgettable moments. Sometimes life gets in the way of writing.

6) October 19, 1998. First date my husband and I had. I had seen him at the local gym a few weeks before. I remember him walking in, as I looked up. Our eyes met and a voice inside my head said "this man is going to change your life". Love at first sight? Maybe. The truth is he did change my life for the better. We went out on our first date and have been together ever since.

7) May 20, 2000 Our wedding day. As I was getting my hair ready, it started to rain. I started to get a bit nervous then. Here I was in this puffy white dress, about to walk out in the middle of a storm. The girl doing my hair said her grandmother always told her rain on your wedding day was good luck. In our case, it is true. On that day I married my other half, my best friend.

8) September 12, 2001. Our first born, a daughter was born. She was so beautiful and innocent and I was taken immediately by her. Even though the world was in turmoil over the events of 9/11, my memories of those times are happy and sad. Happy to have my little girl finally here, sad for all those who lost a loved one the day before her birth.

9) May 2003. Master degree. Environmental Engineering. A long way coming. I took classes at night, and finished this milestone while tending to my child and my husband. I was able to share that day with my family and have my daughter in attendance. She may not remember the day, but she will see the pictures and will know she, too, can do anything she sets her mind to.

10) May 1, 2006 The arrival of our twin boys. As soon as we found out I was expecting, we told our daughter. She was happy and said "mami, you are going to have two babies". We tried to explain to her she would get one brother or one sister, but she was adamant there were two babies in there. A few weeks later, we found out we were having twins. They arrived early and stayed in the hospital until they proved to the world they were ready for it.
They are a team, each other's ying yang and their own individual persons. It's amazing to watch them interact, and see the love between each other and with their sister. Our family is now complete.

Unforgettable Moments: Part 1

2010-03-25T13:04:00.005-05:00

Blogging helps me release stress. Strange, I know. I've been trying to blog every day and sometimes, I just have nothing interesting to say. So I found this idea generator that helps me on those days when my "rock star life" is not inspiring me to write.

So I give you the 10 most unforgettable moments of my life. Some are happy moments, some a little scary, but all very defining in my life.

1) My first day of school. I remember the anticipation and excitement of finally being able to attend school with my two oldest siblings. I remember my mom taking me out to buy the uniform, my new shoes, my lunchbox. The day finally came, and I was the most excited child in the classroom, at least I'd like to think so. While some kids were crying, I was ecstatic to be there, to finally have a chance to learn.
It was March in Panama, and a beautiful summer day. Once we had met our teacher, they took us out to the assembly area. They lined us up, the principal went up on the stage, and then we sang our National Anthem. I'll never forget that moment, I was finally growing up!

2) The year was 1989. Panama's government was under the command of General Noriega. Things were scary to say the least. I was 15 then and understood most of what was happening. I knew our school had been shut down by the government because it was run by a religious group. Electricity was being rationed so we spent many hours every night without power, sitting outside, listening to a radio station from Costa Rica in a small battery powered radio.
I also knew we weren't allow to congregate on the streets. If more than 3 people met on the street to talk, they could be put in jail under the pretense they were conspiring against the government.

I remember this day because my sister and I were sitting outside, just watching cars pass by and people walking towards town. I remember the men stopping to chit chat, two of them on their way to town, one of them on his way home. They stopped in the corner, right across from our yard. I remember the military jeep stopping right next to them, heavily armed and looking like something out of a movie. They dropped something on the ground, the jeep left, and the men started running, and coughing.

My sister and I weren't sure what was happening but it was scary. We got up and started to run towards the house, that's when we felt a funny taste in our throats. It was tear gas.

It was scary to see how we had lost our right to be free; simply because of the ambitions of one man.

3) Moving to Costa Rica. The situation in Panama had gone from bad to worse after the military threw out the results of the elections and put a puppet government in its place. The decision was made we would move to Costa Rica. We were to cross the border, undetected, and ask for political asylum. We rode to the border, as many people do, in a bus. People went there all the time to buy things, trade things, so it wasn't suspicious.
We crossed the border in an area that wasn't patrolled. I was terrified. What if we got caught?
Once on the other side, we headed to the immigration headquarters, located right on the "safe" side of the border. I remember my parents doing all the talking, signing papers, our passports were stamped, and we bought our bus tickets. We were allowed in.
That first night in our adopted home was scary. I was terrified "they" were following us. What if they found us? What would happen to us? I hardly slept. I remember being cold. San Jose was at a much higher elevation than my hometown and the nights were pretty cool. I remember walking out of the little hostel the next morning, and admiring the beautiful mountains that surround the city. I knew a new life awaited us.

4) December 1, 1990. Our plane had reached its final destination. New Orleans. So much had happened in the past year and half. Here we were, another country, a new home, and the promise that our dreams could finally come true.

5) May 1997. Bachelor's degree. Chemical Engineering. I had graduated 6 months before, but since there was no graduation ceremony in December, I was invited to participate in the ceremony in May. By now, I had a job so I thought I would go and "walk" to give my mom the satisfaction of watching me graduate.
As we started to walk into the coliseum where graduation was held, the magnitude of the moment hit me. I had to fight the tears, I had come such a long way since I had left my home 8 years before. The world awaited.

Science Fair

2010-03-24T12:46:00.003-05:00

This morning I had the opportunity to be a judge at the regional science fair. It was a very rewarding experience for me.

This is the second time I participate as a judge but the first time I've done it at a regional level, with children from the surrounding counties, that attend both public and private schools.

I judged in two different categories so I was able to see many different kinds of projects. More importantly, I was able to see how different kids, from different schools, may present the same idea in two very different ways.

It was easy to see which students had an adult supervising, helping out; and which ones had done it on their own without much parental supervision.

I hope it doesn't sound judgemental. That's not my intention. As the child of a working mother, I know many times I did my projects on my own while mom was at work, with only the help of sisters.

But seeing those kids who needed an adult to help them out made me want to reach out and volunteer some of my time mentoring these kids. I'm glad they have teachers encouraging them to participate and to contribute their talent to the science fair.

Some kids were nervous, others were so happy to talk to me and tell me all about their projects, their ideas, and even their grandmothers! I even had a chance to judge a team from the School for the Deaf. I really wish I knew sign language so I could have interacted with the girls, they looked like a fun bunch.

Some of the kids are in the same age range as my daughter. I cannot wait until it's her turn to participate. I made sure to tell all these kids they are winners already. They won in their schools, and are participating against other schools, they are winners in my book.

Reality of Life

2010-03-23T10:29:00.005-05:00

The topic of this blog isn't pleasant for me, and probably won't be for those who read it. It isn't something we like to talk about in civilized society, it's one of the taboo subjects we shy away from at cocktail parties, and social gatherings.

A few months back, there was a case of physical abuse in the news. Two very popular people were involved in a domestic dispute. Her picture was in the news, he was all over the news, sharing his "side" of the events, and telling everyone who cared to hear that he, too, was a victim.
Many took her side, others felt he was treated unfairly because he, too, had been injured.

I, as many people, took the side of the battered woman. What most people probably wouldn't know it's because I have seen abuse up close and personal.

I have not been a victim of abuse, but my sister has. Not once, or twice, but several times, at the hands of two different men.

Abuse isn't pretty, it isn't something people want to talk about, it's something people whisper around and pretend isn't happening. I refuse to do so anymore.

I have seen the results of physical abuse. I have seen my sister battered and bruised, and worst of all, ashamed because she felt maybe it was something she did. I have cried with her and stood up for her.

But there are other types of abusive relationship. When most people hear about abuse, they picture a battered woman, bruises and blood. Most never think about emotional abuse, and how prevalent it is in today's society. Most of us go on about our lives without ever thinking about it.
Most people think the abusers are usually uneducated men, unemployed, minority men, or simply trashy people. I'm sure many fit that pattern but many don't.
Many aren't minority males, many are not poor , or uneducated. They may be the doctor in your town, or the lawyer down the street.

For my sister this time around, the abuse is more than just physical. It's emotional. Funny thing is we all saw it coming but it wasn't until we were staring in the face of it that we realized what we were looking at.

It's not easy to see how someone can abuse another emotionally.
I have seen a confident beautiful woman lose her self esteem. I have watched her give up a successful career simply because he wanted her to. I have watched her lose herself, and her ability to stand up for herself.

The signs the abuse was happening were subtle. At first it was about her job, then it was about her not spending enough time at home with him and the kids. Before long, her family wasn't allowed in the home unless he wasn't there, or unless we had prior approval. And we were ever there and he came home, we knew better than to hang around.
She became isolated, always saying that's just how he was. He is eccentric and wants her undivided attention when he is around her.

I'm sure she isn't the only woman in this situation right now. The statistics are clear. 5.3 million women are abused every single year. 5.3 million.
Those women are someone's daughter, sister, mother. Most of the abuse is at the hands of a domestic partner. And most of the abuse goes unreported because the victim feels ashamed of what happened.

If you are lucky to have never been around someone in an abusive situation, count your blessings and offer a prayer for those who are in an abusive relationship.

If you have seen the ugly truth of abuse, then you know how helpless one can feel when a loved one is in that situation. There is nothing you can do to remove them from that path unless they are willing to get out. And most abused women are afraid to move on.

So say a prayer for all the women, for all the men, for the children who have witnessed abuse, for the families who have to sit helplessly while trying to find a way to help the victims.

Life with Children

2010-03-12T08:41:00.004-06:00

Never a dull moment when it comes to my life. My kids have a bag full of "surprises" hidden somewhere, I'm certain of it.

Last night I had a battle of wills with one of my boys. He decided that instead of dinner, he wanted hot cocoa. With marshmallows. I nicely told him he could have some IF he ate his dinner. You would have thought I had sentenced him to torture and death. He started screaming at the dinner table. His twin brother started singing "cry baby, cry baby, suck your thumb" which only prompted louder screams. His sister told him to stop crying, they wanted to eat in peace.

I kept trying to reason with him but have you ever tried to reason with a 3 yr old? Achieving world peace is a lot easier. Finally I told him he could go and cry in his room because the rest of us were trying to have a nice dinner. Off he went, screaming as loudly as he could. 20 minutes later, he came out of his room and told me he was going to eat his dinner. No more crying, no mention of the hot cocoa. He ate half of it (which was more than I expected him to eat), and a few minutes later "reminded me" I had promised he could have hot cocoa if he ate. I made good on that promise and all 3 of them got a cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows.

Back in my day, my parents would have made me sit at the dinner table until I ate everything on my plate and I probably wouldn't have gotten any hot cocoa. I vividly remember the battles I had with my parents over eating my vegetables. I sat many times for over an hour at the table, alone, because I refused to eat what was on my plate.

Considering how stubborn I was (or am, depending who you ask), I know better than to use that tactic with my own kids. I'm afraid they would end up sleeping at the dinner table and the plate of food would look exactly the same as when I put it on the table.

I know they are asserting their independence and trying to see how far it really goes. I guess you could say having newborn twins desensitize me to their cries. I can tune them out and they are figuring out tears do not work with me. But I'm only human, and from time to time, it gets to me and I lose my patience.

I'm not a model of parenthood, I'm just doing what I can to keep my sanity. Having three kids definitely makes things a little more challenging. Had I had only one kid, I may have given in and hot cocoa and crackers would have been dinner. But with 3, what's good for one is good for all of them, at least most of the time. The other two are watching and they will remember how you let that one get away with whatever it was. It could be something as insignificant as sitting at a different chair at dinner time, they will remember it and use it later on to get their way.

Since the owner manuals that suppose to come with these kids was lost in the mail, I'll just continue to use the "trial and error" method and hope my kids won't have to spend too much money in therapy because I refuse to let them have hot cocoa for dinner.

College taught me...

2010-03-10T10:19:00.004-06:00

There are many lessons I received while in college. Not the academic lessons I was there to receive, but lessons about life, about people, about friends.

College taught me sometimes people will surprise you. Unexpected kindness from strangers, a smile when you are feeling down, a shoulder to rely on. Sometimes the nice things people do for you are what helps you face the obstacles along your path.

College taught me some people cannot be trusted, not everyone you meet has your best interest at hand. It taught me not all elderly people are good people, sometimes they are just old bodies with mean hearts.

College taught me I matter, the person I am, not the money I have, or the car I drive. I matter because of what I can contribute to this world. I am valuable.

College taught me family is the most important thing, and they will be there when everyone else leaves.

College taught me the friends you make in college will stay with you through the years, for as long as you want them there.

College taught me I will make mistakes, and that's ok. There is no virtue in never making mistakes, it's learning from them that helps you grow.

College taught me to give people a chance. Sometimes you will find a friend in someone you'd never dreamed of meeting.

College was the best time of my life, before marriage and kids. I look back at those years and see the happiest times, with the best of friends. I laughed, I cried, I learned how to be a friend, and I learned how to cherish my friends. I embraced my past there, I embraced the person I was becoming, and I looked ahead to the future with hope.

Losing my religion

2010-03-09T12:35:00.003-06:00

I never quite understood the lyrics of that song by R.E.M. But its title seemed fitting to the turmoil going on inside my brain.

If you know me well, you probably know my brain is always in turmoil. There are usually a thousand thoughts racing across my poor brain cells, and making my brain overly tired and overworked.

This time the reason for my unrest is my spiritual life. I seem to be losing my religion.

My faith is intact. I pray daily, I read the Bible daily, and meditate on it. I just cannot bring myself to attend service at my home church.

Until recently, I was one of those people who hardly ever missed church on Sunday. I volunteered, and actually enjoyed being there. I simply need to be surrounded by others who believe and worship as I do. At least I was that person until recently.

I'm not sure when it all began to disconnect, or the reason behind it. At first, I started missing church because I was sick, or one of the kids was sick. Slowly, it began to feel as a chore, not as something I wanted to do.
But only on Sundays. I just couldn't bring myself to attend services on Sunday.

I have been making time to attend daily services near work. I have no issues going to a different church, with a complete group of strangers, and worship during the week. But when it comes to Sunday, my will power depletes and I just cannot find it in me to go.

I have been knowing something was off for a while. I started to notice the "change" going on in my brain. I thought maybe it was a midlife crisis, although my midlife crisis come and go rather frequently and I'm not old enough to have one.

Then I noticed how happy I was to attend daily mass with a bunch of strangers but I simply dreaded the thought of going to church on Sunday with my church family. I have been attending church there almost 20 years, yet I no longer want to be there.
I'm not sure what's happening. No one has been rude or demeaning towards me or my family there.

Am I having a religious crisis? Perhaps. Identity crisis? Quite possible.

Funny how a long drive is the best source of therapy for me. I was driving yesterday for work and started thinking about this particular issue. I often use my driving time to think about whatever is bothering me at the time. Most of the time I simply have a conversation with myself and it helps clear the confusion that's my brain.

A few things popped into my mind as I was wondering what was happening to me.

I'm not questioning my faith or my beliefs. I still feel very strongly about those, so it is not my faith I'm losing.

But I do feel like I'm missing out on something at my current church. I miss not having other people like me there, people I can relate to. Who are these people? Mothers, wives, other people who are going through the same period in their lives. Other women with young children, women who may have the same interests as me. But more importantly women I can worship with.

I am missing the chance to worship with other women like me. I miss not having a group of women who I can attend bible studies with. Not just women, but women who are going through the same stages of their lives as I am, who may be juggling work, kids, husbands, just as I am.

Going to a different church of the same denomination is a possible solution. But the nearest one is 30 minutes away and I've already "tried on" before and it didn't fit. Does that mean I'm the misfit?

And I can always try another denomination. I'm a believer God is the same in every church, we just chose to worship Him differently, so attending another denomination is not an issue for me.

What if I'm the one who simply doesn't fit here, there, or anywhere?

What about my kids? Is my "crisis" going to affect their faith? Strengthen it? Should I start saving for their therapy bill?

One thing is for sure, my spiritual journey has always been filled with roadblocks that turn into road trips. I wonder where this road trip will take me...

Tutorial on Twins

2010-03-03T09:49:00.009-06:00

Parenthood is an adventure, no one with kids will disagree. That adventure often turns into an episode worthy of the Amazing Race when you have twins. In my case, twins plus one make life quite unpredictable.

People often makes comments to me about how wonderful it is to have twins and how they wish they had twins. I'm sure they are trying to be nice, but in all honesty, no one knows what is like to parent twins unless you have them. I don't care if your kids are close in age, or if you have 19 of them, twins will throw a wrench into your parenting skills.

We weren't first time parents when we learned twins were on the way. We have a daughter who is wonderful in every possible way. She is funny, sweet, beautiful, outgoing, a dream come true. We wanted to give her a sibling, and ended up giving her two. We figured our experience as parents would pay off. How hard could it be? We had been through the midnight feedings, diaper changing, reflux, etc.

I wish someone had given me a tutorial before the twins arrive. Better yet, I wish they had given it to me the minute I walked out of the doctor's office, eight weeks into the pregnancy and with the news of double trouble on the way.

So this is my attempt at preparing future mothers (and fathers) of twins. My tutorial on how to parent twins.

1) The minute you find out you are expecting twins, run out of the doctor's office screaming. People will stare but that's ok. Their stares will be nothing compared to those you'll get every time you step out of your home with your twins.

2) Invest in a recliner if you don't already own one. Not only will you need it when you get too big to lay in bed comfortably, it will come in handy during those all night feedings.

3) Speaking of feedings, get used to eating cold food. Once the twins are here, you will seldom get a chance to eat a hot meal. When they are babies, they will start crying the minute you sit down to have a meal. Once they start talking, they will call your name the second you sit down. Most of the time the voice will be coming from the bathroom.
When you decide to eat out with the kids, ask for a box to pack your dinner before you start eating. By the time you are done cutting their dinner, telling them to sit down, making sure they don't pour water in their sibling's food, your food will be cold and they will be ready to go home.

4) Invest in earplugs. I know, sounds harsh unless you've heard the cries of two babies at 2 AM.

5) Throw out all the preconceived notions you had about how you'll deal with twins. You may think think you'll put them on a schedule and they will be sleeping through the night by the time they are 3 months old. It may work, it may not. Not only did my twins decide they didn't like the same schedule, they didn't start sleeping through the night until they turned one. And yes, we tried everything. Better to go in without any expectations.

6) Every time someone says "oh, how I wished I had had twins", ask them for a donation and their phone number. By the time your kids are of school age, you will have a very nice trust fund set for the kids, and you'll have tons of babysitters.

7) Speaking of babysitters, once you find one that actually enjoys babysitting twins, pay her well so she'll keep coming back. You'll be surprised how many will hesitate at the thought of watching more than one child of the same age.

8) Twins are individuals and they rejoice in reminding you of that fact. They will like different foods, different toys, even different sides of the car. And once they are old enough to undress, they will take off the clothes you picked out for them, and find something else to wear. This usually happens as you are trying to walk out the door.

9) When it comes to twins, silence is NOT golden. It just means they are probably in the bathroom, flushing everything they can down the toilet.

10) Enjoy every second with your twins. You will be amazed at how strong their bond is, how connected they are, and how much they love one another. It doesn't matter if they are identical or fraternal, your twins will have that special bond forever.

There will be times you'll be so exhausted, all you can do is cry. There will be times when you'll go outside, sit in the car, and enjoy a few seconds of silence. Many times you'll wonder how you will ever make it until they are old enough to go to college.

But there will also be lots of laughter. Kisses and hugs, and I love you's that will melt your heart. Enjoy the moments when you are all snuggled up in bed watching cartoons on Saturday mornings. Rejoice in knowing they chose you to be their parent. I know it won't be easy at first but the best things in life often aren't easy.

Slave to technology

2010-03-02T09:32:00.002-06:00

I'm not sure how this came to my mind. I was driving home from dropping the kids off at school and realized I'm probably addicted to my cell phone, to some degree. I don't sit around and text message people all day long. I don't go to lunch with friends, only to pull out the phone and check my Facebook every so often. I can still enjoy normal human contact without having my cell phone interfere with my life.

Still, I remember the simpler times when I could avoid phone calls simply because I was not home. Now, I can't even go to church without being contacted by people!

We have given people access to our lives 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, simply by getting a cell phone. And it gets worse if you happen to have a smart phone, because not only can they text you, they can also send you emails and Facebook messages, and expect you to answer them.

Don't get me wrong. I love my iPhone and it has made my life easier. I can keep my grocery list, my calendar, and my checkbook balance, all in one handy place.

But sometimes, I wish I could use the "sorry, I wasn't home when you called" excuse.

Are you addicted to your phone? Tivo? Computer?

Welcome 2010!

2010-02-26T13:16:00.003-06:00

Yes I know. 2010 started a while back but this is my very first blog of 2010. So there.

Kudos to Carrie for getting me to update this thing. I've been lazy and needed a kick in the you-know-what to get back to blogging. Now if she can just get me to exercise...

The first two months of this year have passed me by. I wrote a list of resolutions, and so far, I've been keeping most of them. keyword: most. The exercise thing is just not happening. I have zero motivation. I am hoping as the weather gets warmer, I will be more motivated to walk during my lunch hour.

Reading more books is another one of the resolutions. So far I've read 5 books this year. Finally read The Notebook (had already seen the movie). It is a sweet story but I wasn't that impressed with the writing. Maybe it's just me? Or it could be that I read it after I finished To Kill a Mocking Bird. Now that's an awesome book, and if you haven't read it, shame on you!

Also read Wuthering Heights. I wasn't so sure about it but once I started reading it, I was hooked. I liked the characters, even if Heathcliff isn't the most likely "leading man". He was real, and he felt "human" to me.

The other two I read: "Marianela" which is a classic in Spanish literature; and The Age of Innocence (good but not my favorite).

Speaking of books, I have joined a "virtual" book club. Real Simple magazine has a "book club". Readers get to vote on the book and they can opt to read the chosen book, or wait for the next selection. That's my kind of club since I never know what craziness may be going on in my life.

And while we are on the subject of craziness, what the heck happened to my babies? I have a daughter who is growing up way faster than I'm prepared to accept. My sons are little men now, not toddlers anymore. My house is a circus any given night, but I wouldn't trade this circus for anything. Specially since I am the rink master. ha!

As if having my own circus wasn't time consuming, I also volunteered to coach Candace's soccer team. I love it! I have the best players and parents, if I can say so myself.

So that's basically what I've been up to since I last updated this blog. Work, parenting (still looking for the manual that should have come with my kids), coaching, and trying to stay on top of the madness.

Memories

2009-10-23T11:14:00.003-05:00

It's funny how some smells can bring back a flood of memories.

Coffee and gardenias take me back to my childhood. I was fortunate to spend a lot of time with my grandparents. I didn't know then how much I would cherish the memories I made there.

Every morning for more than 60 years, my Grandfather started his mornings the same way. He would grind the coffee beans he had harvested in his backyard, and make coffee. The smell of freshly brewed coffee takes me back to those beautiful mornings. Before he had any coffee, he would bring Abuela a cup of coffee to bed. Every morning for more than 60 years.

He would go on about his morning routine, feed the chickens, and start his day; while Abuela made breakfast. She would let me help her and made me feel so special. She put so much love into cooking, maybe that's why her food was always so good. That's where I get my love for cooking.

After breakfast, Abuela and I would go out and water her plants. She has a beautiful garden, even now. She would tell me all about all her plants, where she got them from, how long she's had them, when they bloom. I loved the smell of the gardenias and even now, they remind me of Abuela.

It's funny how as we get older, some memories come back more often. For me, the happy memories of my times in el Cope, with my grandparents, are one of my most treasured times.

Juggling

2009-09-05T19:13:00.004-05:00

I very often complain there aren't enough hours in the day to get things done. There are always loads of laundry left undone, shopping lists not quite complete, chores, chores and more chores that I can't never get to.

I used to think it was simply the way things were. After all, I work full time outside my home, I have three kids, and well, taking care of everyone and everything takes time. Now I think I'm just one of those people who actually enjoy the "busyness" of life. Apparently I actually "enjoy" running around like a nut, trying to figure out how to tend to everyone, and everything, and making sure everyone is taking care of.

My epiphany came shortly after I signed up to coach my daughter's soccer team. Yes, you read that right. Here I was, complaining that I have no time to get it all done, and still, I sign up for yet one more thing. Why do I keep doing this to myself?

Don't get me wrong. I don't regret volunteering to coach. Soccer is my favorite sport, my daughter loves to play, and well, I want to do my part so our league continues to grow and she has a chance to develop her skills.

I already juggle many balls in one day. My day starts early in the morning, when I start my "lunch assembly line" and get everyone's lunch boxes ready for the day. Then it's time to get clothes laid out for everyone, get everyone up, get breakfast on the table; and finally get ready for work. I spent the next 8 hrs working, and from time to time, thinking of what I can cook for dinner that night. As soon as I get home, it's time to get dinner going, to hear how everyone's day went (usually all of them speaking at once); check homework, etc, etc. You get the idea.

Did I mention I also teach Sunday school?

I know, it sounds like I'm complaining, doesn't it? In reality, I am happy having so many balls up in the air. I love all the roles I have on a daily basis. And even though things can get crazy (and believe me, they do); truth is, I want to be as involved as possible in my children's life.

I may not be home every day when they come home from school, but they are lucky enough to have their father there instead. And I'm lucky to have a husband who shares the load with me.

I hope one day they'll remember their soccer years, when mom was their coach and how much fun they had. How mom participated in all their church activities, and even helped out. How, even though mom worked in an office and not at home; they spent quality time with her when she was home.

So you see, it is a blessing to be able to do so much for my kids; not a burden. Even when I'm exhausted and wondering where I'll get the strength to get up the next morning; all it takes is one look into their eyes to see it is all worth it.

Transitions

2009-08-11T16:41:00.002-05:00

A new school year has begun, and many changes have come with it.

My daughter is now in second grade. It's hard to believe how much she has grown, how much she has learned, and how fast time has gone by. Not too long ago, she was just a toddler, and school seemed so far away. She has mature so much, she has a radiant personality, and is very secured in herself. I'm proud of her.

My boys are now starting school, in 3 yr old kindergarten. It wasn't that long ago I brought this tiny kids home, and now they are little men. They are out to discover the world, and conquer it. They are a team, definitely two peas in a pod, and I enjoy watching them interact with each other. They are each other's ying yang.

My niece Stephanie has graduated high school and it's getting ready to start her freshman year at MS State. I was there the day she was born, it's hard to believe she is now a young woman.

New beginnings are always hard because they mark the end of an era. But it is also nice to see how far I've grown as a person since the days I became an aunt, and later a mother.

Historic Photos of Mississippi- A book review

2009-06-30T17:05:00.004-05:00

One would think there is not much to say about a book filled with pictures. At first glance, there are just pictures bound together, with captions that detail where and when the photos were taken.

But whoever said a picture is worth a thousand words was right. That's the case with this book "Historic Photos of Mississippi"

I am relatively new to the state and to its history, even though I've spent the last 18 years here. There is so much to this place, to its history, that I've yet to uncover, and for the first time I've gotten a glance of the way things used to be before I arrived here.

The book is filled with photographs and its divided in four sections: "The Civil War and Survival", "The Joy of the Golden Age", "Depression Years and Singing the Blues", "War in Europe and Struggles at Home". The captions for the photos are written by Anne B. McKee.

Each section tells part of the story of the Magnolia State in pictures. You will not find lengthy discussions about each pictures but in reality they are not needed. Each photo in this book speaks for itself.

In the Civil War section you will find pictures of the battlefields, of towns and homes destroyed during the war, pictures from the period following the war that show the growth in cities like Jackson and Meridian; you may even recognize some of these buildings as they still stand today.

The following section shows the Mississippi of the early 1900, when the state was prospering. You will find photos of historical buildings like the Old Capitol Museum, a class photo from Sykes Chapel School (an early African American school), of people at work, and steam wheelers in the Mississippi river.

The flood of 1927 in the Mississippi Delta, the times of the Great Depression, the Civil Right era are all documented in this book.

I wish the book had included pictures from the last 3 decades of the 20th century, as the last pictures included were from the dawn of the 1970s.

Still it is a good book. Perfect for someone who loves the state of Mississippi, and wants to reminiscence about the good ol' days.

Early Saturday morning

2009-06-15T13:52:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago, I decided I would volunteer for the Renaissance Half Marathon. I wasn't sure what job I wanted to do, but I figured I'd come and support my sister and her husband as they ran this race. I managed to recruit one of my sisters, my niece, her boyfriend, and a friend to come and be part of the water crew at Mile 8.

Saturday came very early for us, since we had to report to our stations by 5:15 and we live 1 hr away from the race. As I was getting ready that morning, I kept wondering if I had lost my mind. Why on earth would anyone get up so early to go and hand out water to people who are even crazier than me?

We arrived at our station in the Bridgewater subdivision. Wow. Those houses are enormous, big enough to fit the entire Duggar family! We picked up our jaws from the ground, and started to set up. Coffee hadn't started working yet, some people were trying to be the "boss" and well, no one was getting paid so we didn't exactly appreciate the attitude. Finally we started to see runners coming up.

Our station was Mile 8 of 13.1. The front of the pack fit the stereotypical picture of a runner: fit, faster than a speeding bullet, and "in the zone". Most didn't want any water, others wanted us to throw water at them to cool them off. They went by us rather quickly, we were all in awe to see them disappear as quickly as they approach our table, like a bunch of gazelles. Some of them you could hardly hear breathing.

Then the middle of the pack started to show up, the real people, people like you and me who enjoy running and don't care if they ever win a medal. They are just loving it.
Some of them thanked us for being there, for cheering them on, for getting up so early to help out. I saw several people I knew, some from work, others whom I had trained with for the Chicago marathon.

The back of the pack were mostly walkers, but boy, can they walk! They smiled, they were just happy to be there, and didn't seem bothered by the fact they still had 5 miles to go before they could claim their medals. They were happy to be doing it.

I have to say the volunteers at our station were awesome. We never discussed it but when the first runners showed up, we started to cheer for them, as they came up the hill to our water stop. And we didn't stop until the very last person passed our water stop. We cheered them on in unison, which was very cool, because up until that morning, most of us had never met.

As I was there, watching, serving, I realized why I got up so early that day: I have been in their shoes. I know how important it is to hear a stranger call your name, cheer you on, tell you they believe you can do it. Saturday, I was one of those strangers for a lot of people. By the time they came to our stop, they had gone 8 miles and still had 5 more to go. That's where their minds would start to take over their bodies, and they'll have to pull the strength out of somewhere to finish.

For some, this was their first 13.1 miles. They had never done it before, and probably weren't sure if they could finish it. I wanted to offer some support, to let them know that finishing 8 miles was a big accomplishment and they could complete the rest.

A lady told us we were the best water stop so far, because we were cheering everyone on. She thanked us for that. That felt pretty good, I have to admit.

When we finished, we went back to the finish line to find my sister and her husband. Along the way, we passed some of the runners in their last mile towards their goal. One of them said "Oh, there you are again" and smiled. We cheered them on as we passed them and told them the finish line was close.

It was a great experience. Having been in the shoes of a runner before, I know how good it feels to have complete strangers line up the streets and cheer you on as you battle to conquer your goal. You may think it's not important if you are there or not, but runners notice the expectators and the volunteers, and they are thankful for you.

So next time there is race in town, like the MS Blues Marathon, consider coming out and cheering. You may be surprised how good it feels to know you made someone's day.

Discovering Navarre Beach

2009-06-12T15:38:00.006-05:00

Our annual family vacation this year was to a destination that most people haven't really heard of: Navarre Beach, Florida.

The first time I heard of it was in 2004 in a Southern Living Magazine. It talked about how beautiful and quiet it was, and how appropriate it was for families with kids. I filed it somewhere in my brain for future use.

You see, back in 2004, I had an irrational fear of the ocean. I'm not sure when or how it started but the first time I went to the beach I realized I was terrified of it. The sound of the waves, the feel of the sand slipping away under my feet, I simply could not handle it.

It wasn't until last year that I decided to face my fear. My children are growing up, and they had never seen the ocean. I wanted them to see it for the first time during our vacation to my homeland, Panama.

It was there, in front of the Pacific Ocean, and facing 12 ft waves that I faced my fear and conquered it. I'm not even sure how it happened. I just stood there, took a deep breath, and allowed the sounds to enter my soul, and I kept telling myself everything was fine. Before I knew it, a sense of calm came over me and I was able to enjoy my time there.

So I began to plan our first official "beach vacation" earlier this year. My criteria for selecting a beach was simple: it had to be within a reasonable driving distance, the water had to be beautiful, and the lodging options affordable. I asked beach lovers about it, most of them recommended places like Destin, Panama City Beach (which was on top of my list simply because it reminds me of my beloved Panama), Gulf Shores.
While I was doing my search, I remembered that article in Southern Living, and started researching Navarre Beach. Before long we had picked it as our destination.

I started to look for places to stay that were affordable, and not on a high rise building. I have 2 children who believe they can fly, so I wanted to make sure they weren't going to pull a stunt while on vacation.

We were fortunate enough to come across this townhouse . The price was reasonable, the location was great, so we made the deal, put down a deposit and prepared for our vacation.

We arrived at Navarre Beach on May 30, in the late afternoon. It didn't take very long for us to realize we had picked the right place and the right house. The beach was gorgeous, the water had a blue-green hue to it, and the sand was so white. The kids were in awe, and so were we. The house was more than we had expected, had more amenities than we could have ever imagined, including bicycles for us to ride around the Santa Rosa Island, beach chairs, toys for the kids, and even a cart to help us carry our stuff to the beach. The place is beautifully decorated (no tacky stuff there), and so comfortable. We fell in love with this place. The best part (as if being on Navarre Beach wasn't enough), the master bedroom had an awesome view of the Gulf.

We spent a week doing absolutely nothing more than relaxing. The kids enjoyed it beyond belief and so did I. It was exactly the place I was searching for, there were mostly families at the beach, it wasn't crowded, and it was beautiful. We came back ready to plan our next trip to Navarre Beach.

I know most people go to some of the other more popular beaches where there is tons to do, and the crowds are big. But if you are looking for a place to relax, with an unbelievably beautiful beach, Navarre Beach may be for you. ;-)

Nine years

2009-05-20T11:25:00.004-05:00

Today, my husband and I are celebrating nine years of marriage. Time has flown by, if it wasn't for the fact our kids are getting older, I wouldn't know it has been this long since we said I do.

We met at the least likely of places, at least I think so. I was working out and then he walked in. Our eyes met for a brief moment and that voice in my head simply said "this man is going to change your life".

And so he has, and only for the better.

I knew I was going to marry him a month after we started dating. He had asked if he could join me at church that morning, and as I was praying next to him, I just knew. A year and half later we were husband and wife.

The last nine years have brought lots of wonderful times, and its share of trying times.
We have brought into this world 3 amazing people who fill our days with laughter, joy, tantrums, and their share of messes.
We have faced our kids' illnesses, emergencies, and happy birthdays, and we have learned together how to be the best parents we can be.

He is my best friend. He knows me like no one does, and loves me in spite of my flaws. He knows when to give me room to unwind, when I need a hug, and when I just want to cuddle.

We are each other's ying yang, I suppose. I'm more reserved, more private, an introvert, and he has never met a stranger. We are different in a lot of ways, but we are one in the things that really matter. I am a better person because I've spent the last nine years of my life with him.

He makes me laugh like no one can, he makes me feel pretty even when I'm walking around in pajamas and my hair is a mess; he knows what makes me tick, what angers me, and what makes me happy. There is no one I rather spend my life with.

Thank you for being my best friend, my companion, my lover, the father of my children, my only one.

I love you.

To my niece

2009-05-13T20:54:00.006-05:00

1991. There are a lot of things I don't remember about that year. I barely remember the people who were in my classes in high school, or what fashion styles were "in". I don't even remember my birthday that year.

But there is day I have not forgotten, even after all these years: March 10, the day I became an aunt.

She came into the world on a beautiful spring day. It was a Sunday. As I heard the news of her arrival, I looked out the window and saw the bluest sky. I wanted to remember that day, so one day I could tell her what a beautiful day it was the day she was born.

She was a joy to be around from the start, and I was lucky enough to live with my sister during the first months of her life. I helped take care of her, and enjoyed every minute I spent with her.

The years have passed, and that sweet girl has now become a young woman. She is everything one could have dreamed, she is intelligent, beautiful, kind, humble, giving, loving; the list could go on.

I've had the privilege to watch her grow up and overcome obstacles along the way, and become the person she is today.

In a week, she will be graduating high school. It seems like only yesterday I saw her for the first time, and now she is getting ready to begin the next phase of her life. There are so many things I want to tell her but simply can't find the right words.

I want her to know how very proud I am of her, of the person she has become, and how much I admire her. There have been hurdles along her path that many people could have used as excuses. Instead, she has risen above them, set her goals high, and achieved them.

I want her to know how proud I was the night it was announced she had the highest GPA of her class, how every time I think of the little girl she was, and how far she has come, the tears fill up my eyes. Of how thankful I am to have her in my life, to have her setting a good example for my own children, and how big are the shoes she has left for them to fill.

I want to tell her how much I love her, but even that doesn't seem enough to express how I feel.

I want her to know how thankful I am for the bond we have; that she can always come to me no matter how much distance separate us, or how long it has been since we last talked.

I want to tell her the rest of her life is just around the corner. That the years she spends in college will help her become the adult she is destined to be.

I want her to know that there will be obstacles along the way, some will seem insurmountable, but most of them seldom are.

I want to remind her to believe in herself and in the power of her dreams. I want her to know the measure of success is not in material possessions, but rather in the happiness you feel from having lived your life to the fullest.

I want her to know every day will bring a lesson; and it's up to her to learn from it.
That life should be lived without regrets, that there is a lesson in every moment, and that she should cherish all the good ones because they are the ones that will carry you through the tough times.

I want to tell her how much I'm going to miss her, how incredibly proud I am of her, and how much she means to me.

Thank you Stephanie for the gift you are to me.

The sound of music

2009-05-04T16:50:00.003-05:00

I'm probably one of the few people who have never attempted to play an instrument. I would have loved to play piano, and I still think before I get older, I'd like to give it a try.

But for now, my daughter is the only musician in our house. She has been taking piano lessons since August of last year. She likes it, and she is good at it. Seh can memorize a piece rather quickly, which really amazes me. Sheet music look like a bunch of squiggly lines to me.

Sunday was her very 1st piano recital. She was nervous and excited, and at one point said she felt like "butterflies were coming out of their pupa inside her belly". I was surprised she actually knew what a pupa was. :)
She was the second one to play at recital, and didn't seem to be nervous at all as she sat on the grand piano on the stage. She began to play Chugga Chugga Choo Choo by Elisabeth Gutierrez.

That's when I lost it and began to cry. Where did the time go? It was just yesterday I brought this tiny child home and became her mom. Now she sits in front of a grand piano, and makes music.

Folding Machine

2009-05-02T20:33:00.004-05:00

I hate house chores. I really do. Growing up, my family had a maid until I turned 13. By then, my 2 oldest sisters were gone to college, and my parents decided they didn't need a maid any longer. So my sister Glenda and I became the maids. We did our own laundry (NO washing machine), and kept the house clean (no carpets, we had to sweep and mop).

So I guess that's why I hate doing chores. The one thing I can do without complaining is the dishes. Our dishwasher decided to retire a few months ago, and even though my husband wanted to find a replacement, I talked him out of it. Doing dishes actually relaxes me.

Laundry is my biggest enemy. There is a never ending mountain of dirty clothes to be washed, baskets of laundry to be folded. It is time consuming, and I rather do something else with my time. Even though my laundry experience has come a long way since my teenage years, I still dread doing it. I guess doing the laundry for 5 people doesn't make it any easier.

As I was folding clothes this afternoon, I was thanking whoever invented washing machines and dryers, when it occurred to me, no one has invented a folding machine. Now, I would be willing to pay anything to have a folding machine where I could just throw the clean clothes, and they'd come out neatly folded and just ready to be put into the drawers.

So to any inventors out there, please invent a folding machine. I'm sure there are thousands of us out there who would love to own one.

Wacky happenings

2009-05-01T15:53:00.002-05:00

It has been a month since I last posted on this blog. I guess you could say the "blogger block" was more than I could surpass.

I decided to change the layout and title of this blog so I can (hopefully) feel more inspired to blog daily.

You can file this under "strange", "eccentric", or just plain crazy. Take your pick.

Our offices moved to a new, much nicer building last year. A lot of us lost our hard wall offices and ended up in a "workstation", aka: cubicle. Rules were published as to how our workstations should look and what was acceptable to display and what wasn't. Common sense would tell most people that certain things (bikini calendars for example) are better kept at home.

A "new" person moved to our hall recently. She really isn't that new (she has been here for a year already) but we had not seen her in our area before. A few days after her move, one wall of her cubicle was covered with a type of material often used to cover casseroles that normally will be cooked in the oven. Do you get the hint? Aluminum foil.

I later heard through the grapevine the reason this person covered the wall is to prevent radiation from the laser printer on the other side from harming her unborn baby. I personally had never heard of laser printers giving off any type of radiation. I guess that explains why my children glow in the dark. HA!

Anyway, fast forward to a month later, when this person and I crossed paths in the hallway. I noticed her pants had a funny print on them. Not being a fan of prints, I took a closer look, only to realize the prints were stars, clouds, and cows. Yes, cows. These are pajama pants, my friends.

The pants have made an appearance for the past two weeks, just about every day. While I understand pregnancy can be a rather uncomfortable time in a woman's life, I was pregnant twice before, and never came to work in my pajamas. I may have worn flip flops when my feet were too swollen to fit into anything else, but never came to work in clothes I would wear to bed.

Why do I care, you ask? Because we have a dress code. Some of us dress more business like than others, depending on what we do. Sometimes I wear jeans if I'm going to do sampling, other times I wear skirts, heels. Very seldom do I wear suits, unless I have a meeting. I guess you could say we have a very relaxed dress code because we all have very different job functions.

But nowhere in the dress code does it say pajamas are acceptable for anyone, regardless of the job function. Unless yours is "sleeping on the job".

So that has been the highlight around here, everyone wondering how long it will before we get a memo reminding everyone what the appropriate office attire is. Of course, once the memo comes out, the only person who won't read it or abide by it will be the one who needs to do it the most.

Libraries

2009-03-31T15:43:00.002-05:00

I took my daughter to the library early Saturday morning. This was my second trip in a very long time. I almost hate to admit it had been years since I had stepped foot in our local library.

I have a million excuses, some reasonable ones like their hours and my work hours don't coincide, I like to keep some of the books I read; others are not so reasonable: I simply have not made the time.

My daughter loves the kid section so she quickly settled in her space at the library and suggested I find something for me "to read" if I felt so inclined.

As I was walking amidst the rows of books, I discovered why I love libraries and how much I had missed them. There is something magical about that place, so much knowledge contained within those pages. As I browsed through the books, I began to wonder the history of each volume found on the shelves. Was it gift? Who donated it? What were they like?

I managed to find a couple of books and a couple of CDs to bring home with me, as did my daughter. We are making plans on going back next Saturday to get more books, and so she can get her very own library card.

I hope her love for books will remain as she gets older. I wonder if she feels the magic of the library the moment we walk in. I hope that magic remains with her forever.

Family

2009-03-19T16:46:00.002-05:00

It's funny how a simple word can be defined in so many different ways.

Out of curiosity, I went to Merriam Webster to see how it was defined. The first definition listed said " a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head".

In reality, there are so many definitions of family, each of us has a different one, taught to us by our parents, and grandparents. There are blended families, single parent families, multiracial families, the list goes on.

So what do you consider family? What's your definition?

In all honesty, I can say I hadn't thought about what family really meant to me until recently. And it wasn't until recently that I realized that it doesn't mean the same to everyone. I guess when it came to "family" I am still a child, I still believe that everyone has a family just like mine.

Even more surprising I have realized that even two people, who have shared the same parents and somewhat similar upbringing (one raised in one country, the other in a different one) can have two completely opposite ideas as to what family is, and what roles family plays in your life.

Family to me has always been sacred. These are the people who know me best, and who are the closest to my heart. They include my parents, my sisters, my cousins, my aunts, grandparents. The bonds we share cannot be shattered, they are the ones I go to when things are going great and when things fall apart.

Inside that family core, there is that bond of sisterhood I share with my sisters. These women are my best friends, the ones I can say anything to, and know they will love me in spite of my mistakes. When I needed someone to stand up for me, they have been there. When I needed someone to share my happy moments, they have been there. When things have gotten rough, they are ready to listen, and offer advice. When I am making a mistake, they are the first ones to point it out, even when they know I will get mad.

There is no other relationship like the one I share with them. There are no other people in this world who could understand what we've shared, the struggles we have seen, the triumphs we have achieved. These women, all in their own ways, have helped me become the person that I am.

Even when we allow weeks to go by without a phone call, even when we get wrapped up in our busy lives and we don't talk often enough, I always know they are just a phone call away. I never hesitate to call if I need them because I know they will always be there. They are part of that most intimate part of life I call "private".

Not everyone feels that way about their family, or their siblings. Funny how I'm just now realizing that.

I believe that my children will probably define family and brotherhood based on what we teach them. They will follow our example and our teachings. I just hope they can always feel they are important parts of each other's lives. I hope they always feel comfortable talking to each other, sharing their most intimate thoughts, without fear. I hope they know that when things get rough, they can count on one another. I hope they can be honest with each other in the good times and the bad.
I hope they remember to love each other unconditionally.

The call of the pavement

2009-03-16T21:17:00.003-05:00

If you have known me for a while, you probably know I trained for a marathon a couple of years ago. I was not a runner, I just read an article in the newspaper and thought that was something I wanted to add to my list of accomplishments.

Training was rigorous, but fun. I made great friends, and learn a whole lot about myself and about how much I can achieve if I'm willing to push myself beyond my known limits.

I didn't get to finish my first marathon. I didn't quit, the marathon quit on me. It was extremely hot in Chicago and they had to cancel the race after one death and several wounded.

The months after the marathon were very disappointing. I kept trying to tell myself there was nothing I could have done, but in the back of my mind, I kept thinking: what if my pace had been faster?, what if I had lined up towards the front of the pack, would I have been able to finish? Even though my family and friends kept telling me I had accomplished my goal because I had completed a 22 mile run, it just didn't feel the same.

The past two years, I've been trying to talk myself into getting back in the race. I've been trying to convince myself to lace up my running shoes, and go out and run. I just have not found that motivation inside of me that makes me want to run.

The last few weeks, I've started to feel that little flame inside of me. I've begun to remember what it felt like to run, to feel the rush of adrenaline, to just enjoy nature.

I can hear the pavement calling me. I am starting to feel that urge that only runners can understand, that need to get out and push yourself beyond the limit one more time. I've actually read my Runner's World magazine, rather than putting it aside because I felt it's meant for runners, and I'm just not one of them.

I can hear that calling. I am ready to lace up my shoes and just run. There will be another marathon, another chance to prove to myself that I have what it takes to finish 26.2 miles.

But right now, I just want to feel like a runner again.

What I hope to teach my kids

2009-03-06T15:11:00.007-06:00

There are times when I wonder what my children will remember about me when I'm gone. Will they think I was fun? Will they remember our vacations, and the times we spent watching their favorite movies over and over again?

More importantly, what lessons will they have learned from me? What do I hope will be my legacy in their lives?

I hope to teach my kids to:

Respect life, all life, big and small, rich or poor, human and non-human. Every living thing deserves to be treated with respect.

Respect yourself. Your body is a temple, treat it as one. Respect your ideas, and the person you are and never sell yourself short.

Love life, laugh often, and learn at every opportunity.

No one can put you down unless you let them. Believe in the potential hidden inside of you.

Have faith in something bigger than you. Call him God, or whatever you like, but believe in something bigger than your imagination.

Believe in the power of your dreams. Never give up, no matter how unattainable they seem, never stop believing.

Stay close to your siblings. Even if they drive you crazy, they will defend you against anyone and will stand by you when things are not going well.

Never forget your ancestors and the sacrifices they made. You are able to dream bigger because of the foundation they laid for you. Honor them by going one step further than you think possible.

Travel as much as possible, and respect other cultures. You are not better, embrace the differences.

Check boxes in a form do not describe who you are. Race doesn't matter, neither does gender, religion, or money. Integrity is what counts.

Everyone has a gift. Find yours and share it with the world.

Keep an open mind. Even if you disagree with someone's religion, political views, or philosophy of life, show them respect. It's our differences that make this world interesting.

And when the times come to share your life with someone, and raise kids, make sure love is what guides everything you do.

It's just hair

2009-03-04T21:25:00.003-06:00

As you have probably guessed, today's blog is about hair, and also about lessons learned, and knowing what's truly important.

A couple of weeks ago, I had an appointment with my regular hairdresser to get a haircut. She wasn't there when I showed up, and I ended up making an appointment with a new hairdresser. I figured it would be ok, after all it's just hair and I didn't want anything out of the ordinary.

I arrived at the new place on time for my appointment, only to be met by a stare. I guess I wasn't what they were expecting? Whatever. Sat down and waited. Finally, after 20 minutes waiting, it was my turn. I showed the hairdresser the picture, she got ready to begin, and then it happened. She cut the first piece. As I felt the razor go through my hair, I knew this haircut would be a disaster.

She cut that first piece really short, shorter than I wanted it. There is no way to fix that mishap except to cut the rest of the hair the same length and let it all blend in. I walked out of there with the worst haircut of my life, and mad that I had to pay for it.

If you saw me, you'd probably say it looks fine. Except this is not what I wanted and paid for.

I was feeling pretty blue last night after I washed the bottle of hairspray off my head. I looked in the mirror and realized just how bad it really was, how much styling it would take to make the hair look ok (at least to my standards), and was about ready to ask my husband for the clippers so I could finish the job and join him in the world of baldness.

That's when the voice in my head whispered something to me: Think of the women who are battling cancer, who have lost their hair, who are wishing theirs were as long as yours is right now.

I felt pretty ashamed. There I was, dwelling on my stupid hair, worrying about what people are going to think of it, completely absorbed in my own pity party.

I said a prayer for all those women who are cancer survivors, who are currently fighting cancer, and those who lost their battles. Many of those women are family, friends, coworkers.

I decided to make a donation in the same amount I paid for this haircut to the American Cancer Society, in honor of all women who have lost their hair during their battle with cancer.

I am still mad at the hairdresser for messing it up and still expecting me to pay for it. But I'm no longer upset over the hair I lost. I am thankful because I'm healthy and before long, my hair will grow back and all this will be just a bad memory.

I'm also thankful for the lesson I learned: it's just hair.

Sleep

2009-02-26T22:07:00.004-06:00

Whoever came up with the saying "Sleep like a baby", obviously did not have twins.

All the things you've heard about twins are probably true. They are each other's best friends, they do everything together, miss one another when they are apart. And they are definitely like day and night, at least mine are.

They are fraternal twins, so of course they don't look alike; and from the day they were born they have been acting differently.

Cade is the oldest (by a whole minute) and was the bigger baby weighing 5 lb 1 oz at birth. Both he and his brother were the same length, but Braden was only 4.5 lbs at birth. The first few days in the NICU, Braden was always awake. He would look for me every time I spoke and was always moving, alert. Cade slept most of the time, he just couldn't be bothered to visit with his parents.

Braden came home first. He learned to eat first, and was sent home a few days before his big brother. Then Cade came and our life became a chaotic blessing. Diapers everywhere, bottles, and sleepless nights.

We figured once they started sleeping through the night, we would be able to catch up on our sleep. We are still wondering if these kids come with an OFF button.

Braden is a night owl. He stays awake for hours after we put him in bed, talking, singing, laughing. Once he decides that it's time for bed, he is out and doesn't wake up until next morning, usually after 9 AM.

Of course, his brother is the opposite. Cade goes to sleep right away. Then he proceeds to wake up several times during the night, calling my name. Many times all he wants is to know I'm there. We've tried everything, Benadryl makes one hyper, and it doesn't work for Cade. We tried no naps, we tried putting them to bed later.

So I finally decided three years without sleeping through the night is enough. I'm tired of competing with Pete the raccoon (who hangs out in my backyard). I'm tired and it's time these kids go to bed and stay in bed until the sun comes out the next morning.

I ordered some herbal remedy that suppose to help. I just hope it does, and doesn't have the opposite effect on them.

Then again, if it does make them hyper, I'll just take the herb and call it a night.

So next time someone says they slept like a baby, feel free to smack them. Apparently no one told my kids what "sleeping like a baby" meant.

Music, Life, Lent

2009-02-25T11:05:00.003-06:00

This past weekend Candace participated in her first music festival, hosted by MC. It wasn't really a competition, the children (adults too!) had a chance to display their musical talents in front of judges and get scored on their performances.

We left the house early enough to pick up her grandmother and arrive at MC on time for her 11:30 appointment. Just as we walked into the building, she informed me "she wasn't so sure about that" anymore. By "that" she meant playing for a judge.

She was obviously nervous, she has been playing less than a year, and she had to play in front of a complete stranger. We told her to pretend this judge was her piano teacher and she was at practice. As we waited for her turn, other kids who take classes from the same teacher, showed up and tried to ease her nerves. Then it was her turn. She was not too thrilled that we couldn't be in the room with her, but we were right outside.

I have to admit I was as nervous as her until I heard the notes streaming through the door. She did a great job! I was so proud because I know how much heart she had put into getting this done. Yesterday she had her weekly lesson and the teacher gave her the score sheet with comments from the judge. The comments were more suggestions than criticism and they ended with "Great Job" and a Superior score, the highest you could get.

Now we are getting ready for recital. As we practice the pieces she'll play, her favorite audience (her brothers) will be listening and cheering her on. They probably feel (as I do) that she plays the music of angels.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This time of the year always brings back lots of childhood memories. Lent and Easter were very important parts of our lives.

Throughout my life, I have observed Lent every year, sometimes casually, other times with full reverance. This year is one of those times when I'm determined to do it the right way.

So, the first thing most people ask is "what are you giving up for lent?". It should be a sacrifice, so I chose coffee. Nourishments of the gods, and what keeps me going every single morning. But I depend on coffee to function, and that's never a good thing. I could easily get the same boost of energy from exercising in the morning. That's where the sacrifice will be found because I have a hard time rolling out of bed every morning.

I keep remembering something I read a few weeks back. If you are a Christian, then you believe your body is the place where the Holy Spirit dwells. I want my body to be in its best shape so it can properly host such important tenant.

So I'll go to Mass tonight and have ashes smeared on my forehead. Hopefully the journey won't end on Easter, and will continue throught the year.

Life Purpose

2009-02-20T11:28:00.004-06:00

Getting older sometimes has its perks (you can buy beer) but it also has it downfalls (wrinkles, gray hairs). For some reason, being a year older and closer to the prime of my life has made me think about my life, career, and put things in perspective. Plus having setbacks at work has helped my epiphany too.

I love what I do. I've never doubted that I chose the right career path, being an engineer is something I love. I also know I chose the right field, protecting the environment is something of a calling, I guess you could say. I have poured my heart, soul, and knowledge into this field, into being the best engineer in my area, and have always felt I needed to do more so that my contribution be more valuable to my employer.

Then setbacks happen. You begin to see, that no matter how many cracks there are on the glass ceiling, the ceiling is not budging. You keep trying, you try yet again, and the disappointments keep coming.

I'm not a quitter. I set goals, follow through with them, no matter how difficult they are. I'm not bragging, it's just how my brain functions. It's a curse, I guess you could say because I'll get so wrapped up in finishing the goal, that sometimes I miss the whole picture.

Then it happened, another setback at work. I had poured my heart and soul into a project that I thought would be awesome, and it was turned down. Not even given a chance to discuss it, and present it, just simply turned down.
Rejection hurts specially when you have invested part of yourself into a project, when the project is more than just work, when it is something you truly believe would benefit all parties involved.
I was upset, until now.

Maybe I've been looking to apply my talents in the wrong places. Yes, I am a good engineer, and I am good at my job. But being an engineer is only job. It's not who I am. Perhaps all those other talents I have been blessed with were not meant to be shared in this setting.

I was blessed with the ability to conquer my hatred of math, and pursue a degree most people don't ever dream of attempting. I was blessed with the intelligence to see it through, and a job that lets me apply my knowledge and protect the environment.

But that's just part of me. I have so much more to offer and for the longest time I've been trying and trying to use my other talents at work. I have prayed, I have cried, I have fought, and the whole time I forgot that sometimes an answer to a prayer is simply no answer.

All of a sudden, the glass ceiling is not important anymore. I still love my job, my career, and I plan to continue in this path until I retire, God willing. But perhaps I am meant to share the rest of me in other venues where those other talents can be best utilized.

Who I am is bigger than the career I chose. I am a Sunday school teacher and have discovered how much I enjoy working with kids, and I can apply those talents in place where my rewards are smiles and the knowledge I have "planted the seeds" in them. I am mother, I am a wife, a sister, a friend, and I have the chance to share my talents in all those roles.

So now I embark into the journey to find those other places where I can help others and use my talents. It won't be at work, that I know now. I probably won't be paid for it either. But I guess that's where the difference lies between your job and your life purpose. Your life purpose fulfills you and completes the person you are and that is its own reward.

Dreams

2009-02-18T16:33:00.003-06:00

I had a dream last night, in Spanish. Why is that important? Well, most of the time, I dream in English.

The brain is a wonderful, complex machine. When I moved to the US, I knew enough English to get by. I had been taking classes in school since I was 5, and I could understand written English fairly well. The verbal part was a challenge, though. I had to think about what I wanted to say, translate it, then say it. Imagine trying to have a conversation with me back then. Plus, I could not understand what people said because of the southern accent.

As time went on, I started to " think" in English. I vividly remember the first time I had a dream in English, it was so exciting. It meant I was thinking in English. Since then, I mostly dream in English.

I guess is because it is the language I use most. Even though I speak Spanish, I use only English at work, and mostly English at home. Maybe my brain stays in "English" mode even when I'm sleep.

I've been reading a book I picked up at Paperbackswap.com (love that place). It's one of the books listed in one of those "100 books lists" circulating in facebook. I didn't know it when I requested it, but I'm glad I did. The book (The Shadow of the Wind) is great, the style of the narrative reminds of Garcia Marquez' style (my favorite author). I have been reading this book and cannot put it down.

I read until I fell to sleep last night, and for the first time in years, I dreamt in Spanish. It's like coming home to me. I don't want to lose my native tongue, and I love reading books in Spanish. I've decided to pick up more books in my native tongue.

I speak and read in English most of the time. I want my dreams to be in Spanish.

Marriage

2009-02-10T15:05:00.006-06:00

A long time ago, a dear friend gave me this book The Prophet by Khalil Gibran.

It's a book of poems, and I enjoyed it quite a bit when I read it. But that I'm older (and I'd like to think wiser), a lot of this book resonates true.

This year, we are celebrating 9 years of marriage. When we first got married, I guess we were the typical newlyweds, who spent every moment possible with each other. We still spend time together, we still enjoy each other immensily but we also enjoy our times alone. My husband enjoys fishing and riding his motorcycles, I enjoy a good book and lazy afternoons on the couch. I was talking to one of my sisters a few weeks back about our marriage, and she said "that sounds boring".

It couldn't be far from the truth. The other day, a single line came to mind: "Let there be space in your togetherness".

After so many years of marriage, we are comfortable with those spaces, and I believe it's what makes our marriage stronger.

Here is the section of the book on Marriage.
Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?"

And he answered saying:

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Outraged

2009-02-06T15:40:00.003-06:00

I've neglected this blog for so long, I decided to blog twice today.

I was reading Mandy's blog and had the need to blog about something she mentioned. Thanks Mandy for the inspiration.

Everyone has heard by now about the woman who recently had octuplets. It has been in every newscast since the day she delivered them.

My first reaction was "wow, eight healthy kids, what a blessing". I knew fertility treatments had helped her, and well, regardless of my opinions about them, children are a blessing, regardless of how they came to be.

As the news media has covered this event, more information has come out. She already has 6 other children, all conceived the same way apparently. Not only that, she is unemployed and lives with her parents.

Excuse me a minute while I compose myself.

These are tough times for everyone, specially those of us raising a family. Everyone I know is careful watching every penny spent, making sure their kids have everything they need, saving as much as possible, making ends meet.

Then you hear about someone, who is supposely disabled, with a back injury nonetheless, birthing multiple children at once.
I can tell you from carrying twins, pregnancy can cause quite a number on a healthy back, and I'm talking about carrying just 2 babies. Imagine what eight might do to your back.

A few questions keep coming to mind, how could she afford fertility treatment if she doesn't have a job, and how is she going to pay for the hospital bill for herself and the kids who are still in intensive care?

I guess my answer comes from CBS who interviewed her. Apparently she hopes to make money from her story, as CBS reported

I guess Dave Ramsey has a point when he says people suffer from the "I want" syndrome. "I want a house I know I can't afford but if the bank gives me the money, I'll take it. I want, I want, I want".

So this woman wanted kids she couldn't afford to have, found a doctor who thought this could be a great experiment and would get him recognition in medical journals. Now there are 14 children who will be exploited by their own mother for money.

And yes, I know I'm a Christian and I should not judge others. But I'm also human and I'm outraged by this woman's behavior. So I'm ranting, and I will ask God to forgive me and to forgive her; and to watch over those kids.

Thankful

2009-02-06T14:05:00.003-06:00

It has been a while since I blogged. I get caught in all the hustle of life, always running from here to there, tending to everyone, and rarely taking time to relax and just think.

I came home around 7:30 Tuesday night. I seldom get home that late, so as I walked out of my car, I glanced overhead and saw the most beautiful sky. The stars were out in full glory, the air was cold, and it made them look even brighter.

I stood outside for a minute, so I could stare at them. I thought about the many nights I sat outside as a child, staring at them, daydreaming, chitchatting with my sister about what we wanted to be when we grew up, our dreams, our aspirations.

I stood there in awe, and was thankful for the gift of nature. I very seldom take the time to just say thanks for the air, the sun, the water, the stars. I go about my busy day and never spend a moment thinking about what a wonderful gift I've been given.

A few weeks back, I talked to the sunday school kids about prayer. Many of them shared with me what they pray about: their families, their friends, a sick relative. We talked about the different things we may do when we pray, how we praise God for his kindness, how sometimes we ask for something like health for a sick aunt, and how we also give thanks for the blessings we receive. One of them said he gives thanks for nature.

Today, I am thankful for nature.

Battle in my brain

2009-01-29T15:33:00.004-06:00

I started my watercolor painting class Tuesday. Funny how something as simple as painting can cause quite a turmoil in this brain of mine.

You see, painting isn't something I would normally do. The last time I painted anything or even did a drawing I was in elementary school. That's how long it's been since I've used that part of my brain.

I figured this class would help me unlock my artistic talent. Everyone has it, right? (just nod and go along with me on this one).

Unlocking my inner Van Gogh turned out to be a lot harder than finding the solution to an engineering problem, or working a differential equations problem. And yes, differential equations is an actual class that yours truly took in college.

I arrived at Millsaps early so I could find the location and a parking space. I got out of the car and hurried into the building, carrying along the huge 18" by 24" pad, my purse, and the supplies. It was quite a comical sight. I managed to get into the building without knocking the wind out of a poor student and without too many people laughing at me.

The teacher is one of those people who inspires you to do your best. Very nice, and very encouraging, just what I needed. She set up a bunch of things on a table for us to replicate. Here is where the battle began.

I'm an engineer, and I analyze everything, including how to replicate a metal can and a rubber ball on my pad. I kept watching the people in the class happily drawing, while I struggled trying to figure out the right angle, making sure the distance between the objects was precise. You get the idea.

I was beginning to get frustrated when the teacher (who probably noticed my eraser had been put to good use in the last 5 minutes) said "we all see things differently, how boring would this world be if we all drew the same thing the exact same way".

That was my "aha!" moment, my epiphany. Unlike most of the class, painting isn't something I normally do. I haven't taken other classes, I didn't take art in college. The way I see a simple metal can is completely different from everyone else's, and that's perfectly fine.

I finally began to relax and started painting. I felt like a kid with a new box of crayons, ready to create my own masterpiece. I started to have fun.

I finished my painting last night, and as I looked at the finished product I realized it reflected who I am. Isn't that what art suppose to be? Shouldn't it reflect the way the artists saw the subject?

Anyone with any bit of artistic flare would probably see all the flaws in the picture. I see myself in those metals cans, and rubber balls. But I also saw something new, I dared myself to think outside the box, to mix colors that I would not normally put together and to even color "outside the lines". I dared myself to try something new and I stepped outside my comfort zone.

I'm looking forward to the rest of the classes, and see how my paintings progress as I become more comfortable with that other side of me. In the meantime, I will keep reminding myself it is okay "to color outside the lines. "

Random things about me

2009-01-26T16:36:00.005-06:00

I've seen several of my friends doing this on Facebook. I'm still trying to figure Facebook out, so I'm going to blog about it instead.

25 Random things about me.

1. I have never broken a bone.
2. I began wearing glasses when I was in 6th grade.
3. I hate mushrooms. Same goes for peanut butter.
4. I was a cheerleader in HS.
5. I graduated 3rd in my senior class.
6. I've been to Niagara Falls during the winter. Amazing!
7. I've lived in 3 countries (so far!): Panama, Costa Rica, USA
8. I don't know how to swim.
9. I collect elephant figurines.
10. Growing up, I wanted to be either an astronaut or a lawyer.
11. I was a very good orator in elementary school. Won a lot of competitions.
12. I don't know how to swim
13. I was a RA at a freshman dorm at Ole Miss. I loved it.
14. First time I went to Washington DC, I drove. Longest trip ever.
15. I danced for several years with a group that did traditional Panamanian dances. I miss it so much, even now.
16. My first trip to Canada (Toronto), I was in a car accident, on New Year's Eve. Quite a memorable trip.
17. I've been in one beauty pagent, was 2nd runner up.
18. I've been camping only once, right after I got married.
19. I love to cook. I love trying out new recipes or inventing new ones.
20. I love to watch soccer matches.
21. I played softball and basketball in Jr. High
22. I don't know how to play any instruments. I hope to learn piano before I die.
23. My first trip abroad was in 6th grade. Our class went to San Jose, Costa Rica for a week.
24. I would like to travel to Europe for my 40th birthday.
25. If I could have a chat with one person today, it would be my cousin Jose who passed away 8 yrs ago. I miss him every day.

Mission Statement

2009-01-22T14:18:00.003-06:00

Until last year, I had never heard of a personal mission statement. I knew organizations and companies had them, but it never occurred to me that people could have them to. It wasn't until I was attending the "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" seminar that I heard about it.

Part of the seminar required that we start writing ours. There were a set of exercises that would get you into the right frame of mind, basically asking you how you would want others to remember you.

After the class, I finally sat down and start writing mine. I wanted it to be simple, easy to remember. Some people have long paragraphs, others have one word. It's personal, it should reflect what you want your life to be.

I never shared mine with anyone. Until now. The 35th anniversary of my birth seemed like the perfect time to remind myself of what I want my life to be.

My Personal Mission Statement

I will love with all my being

I will lead by example

I will live without regrets

I will learn at every opportunity

I will leave a legacy in the lives of my children

Some people don't really like to celebrate birthdays. I'm not one of those people. I am thankful for every moment of my life, even the tough ones. They taught me invaluable lessons that I can now pass on to my kids. I'm thankful for the rough spots because they made me value my blessings even more.

I don't ever want to take this life for granted, or the moments I get to share with those I love. I don't want to get caught in the superficial, worrying about what I don't have. I want to enjoy life as it is, with its ups and downs.

I hope that one day, when I'm no longer here, I will live on in the heart of my kids and in the lessons I taught them. Hopefully they will pass them on to their kids, just as my mom passed down those lessons my grandfather taught her.

Faith

2009-01-18T14:01:00.003-06:00

On my way to church this morning, I realized how my childhood has truly shaped my spiritual life.

I am "cradle Catholic", born into a very large Catholic family, raised in a country where the majority of the people were of the same faith. It would be easy to assume I know no other form of worship.

By the time I was born, my father no longer attended the Catholic church. He was searching, looking for the "something" he felt was missing from our faith. Even though he no longer considered himself to be Catholic, we were enrolled in Catholic school and participated in all the activities and took all the Sacraments of the Church.

Dad kept searching, and with him, we would attend other denominations. I was five when I realized my dad didn't worship like we did. It was my first year in Catholic school. At night and during the weekends, Dorothy would come to our house and talk to my parents about her faith. She was a Jehovah's witness. She looked like a teacher, with her hair on a bun, her skirt and white blouse, and always so well mannered. She told all about her beliefs, and we listened and respected her faith.

Dad didn't find what he was looking for there either. Then came the Mormons, one couple in particular has remained on my mind. One of them was from Guatemala, the other one was American. They knew we were Catholic, and they respected that. They told us about their church, and even taught us hymns, one in particular I can still sing: "Blessings, count your blessings and you will see, how many more blessings you are yet to receive".

There were other denominations: Adventists, Evangelicals, Pentecostals, Episcopalian, Lutheran... we probably covered most of the Christian denominations before Dad started to head down the Buddhist path where he is today.

I didn't realize until this morning, how lucky I was to have my childhood. I learned at a very early age about respecting other people's beliefs and ways of worship. I learned that although our services are different, we worship the same God, and we all want the same thing.

After I became an adult, it came time for me to also begin my search. I didn't want to worship like my mother and family did simply because that's what I was taught. I didn't want to follow my dad's path either. I had to find my own way. So my search began.

Mine brought me back to my beginning, it brought me to the faith of my grandmother, great grandmother, and my entire family. It is more than the faith of my ancestors, it is my faith now.

If I hadn't had a father who encouraged me to think outside my comfort zone, I probably wouldn't have been tolerant of others who didn't worship like me. I learn about tolerance and respect simply by allowing others to share their faith with me.

From time to time, someone will say something demeaning about Catholics in front of me without realizing I am "one of those people". Most of the time, my first reaction is to become defensive, but thankfully that passes very quickly. Most of the time, the person making the comment does not know anything about my faith. If only they would ask...

I look at my family now, and see the same opportunity for my kids to learn tolerance and respect towards others. My inlaws are Southern Baptists, my father is a Buddhist, we are Catholic. I hope one day they will realize how blessed they are to be surrounded and be a part of such a diverse family, just as I did this morning on my way to church.

Just call me Bette

2009-01-16T08:42:00.002-06:00

Deanna had this quiz in her blog, so I figured it was perfect for a Friday blog. Just call me Bette

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Bette!

You are a Bette -- "I must be strong"

Bettes are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me

* Stand up for yourself... and me.

* Be confident, strong, and direct.

* Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.

* Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.

* Give me space to be alone.

* Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.

* I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.

* When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.

What I Like About Being a Bette

* being independent and self-reliant

* being able to take charge and meet challenges head on

* being courageous, straightforward, and honest

* getting all the enjoyment I can out of life

* supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me

* upholding just causes

What's Hard About Being a Bette

* overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to

* being restless and impatient with others' incompetence

* sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it

* never forgetting injuries or injustices

* putting too much pressure on myself

* getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right

Bettes as Children Often

* are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit

* are sometimes loners

* seize control so they won't be controlled

* figure out others' weaknesses

* attack verbally or physically when provoked

* take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

Bettes as Parents

* are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted

* are sometimes overprotective

* can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

Back in First Grade

2009-01-15T11:19:00.003-06:00

All of a sudden, I've found myself back in first grade. I'm not too happy about it either. Don't get me wrong, I want to help my daughter do her best in school and to have fun learning new things. But I need a manual just to get through every week of school.

Has school gotten harder as the years go by? Is it more demanding now that I'm a mom, or have I just forgotten what it was like?

Part of the curriculum for this year includes the accelerated reader program. Those of you with older kids probably already know about this. It is a noble program because it gets the children interested in reading, and it keeps them reading. What I don't like it's the point system and the competition factor.

The school has an "honor" award to reward those kids who have achieved the goal for the year. This year the goal is 20 pts, that's probably 40 books because each book is worth half a point.
The kids have to take a test on the books they read, and if they pass, the score counts toward the total points.

Sounds simple enough, right? What's wrong with wanting the kids to read and become interested in reading?

I wish the focus was more on reading than on getting points, or reading approved books. We have several good books that are not on "the list" that are probably going to be put aside until summer simply because we have to get through the AR books. Then there is the test part. Where is the fun of reading a book if you know there will be a test afterwards?

I hated history while in school because of all the reading. I didn't care to memorize dates, history was, well, history. Until I became older and started reading about it for fun. It became something I wanted to know about. I didn't have to remember dates, I could just enjoy the books now.

I don't want Candace to become so focused on reading to pass a test that she will miss out on the joy of reading. I watch her read books because she "has to" that may not interest her; only because they are "approved" on someone's list.

I've found myself creating spreadsheets and cataloging books according to their AR status, and picking out of the "good" ones for her to read. I read them myself so I can ask her questions and make sure she understood what she read, so she can take the test.

How do I balance all this out so she can read what she likes and still have time to read the required books? I'm not sure. For now, we are going along with the required books. Hopefully she will begin to enjoy reading the books, and forget about the points. I hope.

Helping the children

2009-01-09T09:35:00.004-06:00

There have been a lot of commercials and even an hour long fundraising commercial about children in other countries. The poorest of the poor.

Last weekend, as I was tackling the mountain of clothes that needed to be folded, my daughter came in the room crying. At first, I thought maybe her brothers had decided to team up against her, and had hurt her. I asked what was wrong.

Still crying, she tells me she just saw a commercial on TV showing all these poor children all over the world, who have nothing to eat, some don't even have any parents. She said it was so sad it made her cry.

I held back the tears. She asked me to call the number on TV so we could send them some money to help these kids. I told her we would, but I wanted to make sure these were good people who truly help the kids, so I would do some research and together we would pick who to send the money to.

I was touched. She is only 7. I wonder how many adults watched the same show, and flip to another channel so they wouldn't have to see what being poor in another country looks like. I wonder how many felt nothing when they see these commercials.

There are tons of different groups who help many different groups of people, here and abroad. Whether you want to help with literacy, hunger relief, support research efforts, the list is endless. I personally support a few that are close to my heart, maybe because someone in my family suffers from a particular disorder, or because I have witnessed first hand the work that group does.

My daughter has not forgotten about the promise I made or the children she saw on TV. She asked again last night when we are going to pick a group to send our money too. I am happy to see she understands and appreciates the blessings God has bestowed upon our family. Perhaps it is more than just the commercial on TV.

Part of the reason I wanted her to go to Panama was that I wanted her to see how other people lived. How I onced lived. I wanted her to see first hand what it meant to be poor, to struggle, and still to wake up every morning, thankful to see another day.

We didn't have to travel far during our trip to Panama to see poverty. We didn't even have to look for it, as my own family is poor. You could call us the working poor, I guess. They may not have all the luxuries my daughter has, they have their basic needs and their love for life remains intact.

I am proud to see that even at her young age, she is able to appreciate how fortunate she is. Even more so, I'm proud that she wants to reach out to those children who are suffering and help them out.

I'm now tasked with finding the right group to sponsor. I have many different ideas, perhaps I should just pick a family from Panama and send them the money directly, perhaps I should contact a group in Panama who does this type of work. I'm weighing all the possibilities.

In the meantime, I am thankful that my daughter has reminded me how fortunate I am, and how it is now my responsibility to give back to those who need my help.

Math

2009-01-07T11:42:00.004-06:00

I've been hitting a "blogger block", so decided to google ideas to spice up my blog (you know it's bad when you get bored with your own blog!). I found a blog with many different topics. They seemed silly at first, then I thought, yeah, why not. I chose to write about my worst subject.

The minute I tell people I'm an engineer, they immediately blur out "wow, you must be very smart" or "you must really like math". Well, I'm not smarter than the average person, and my IQ would prove it.

So imagine their surprise when I tell them, my worst subject, the one I hated the most throughout my entire educational experience, was math.

I vividly remember one night in Elementary school. I think I was in second grade at the time, and we were learning long division. My sister Joyce had volunteered to help me (she is way smarter!), and show me an easy way to do it.
We sat at the dinner table, and she started to show me how to work the problem and gave me a couple of problems to solve. As I became more and more frustrated, I began to cry, and as I began to cry, I became angry with myself because I was crying. You get the idea. I was a sobbing mess. I could not understand how anyone could think learning long division would be beneficial to anyone. Had they ever heard of calculators? Joyce patiently kept waiting for me to stop sobbing, and finally I "got it".

After it was all over, I recalled making a promise to my mother, I was never going to study anything that required me to do math. I was going to choose a career as far away from math as possible.

Little did I know I would end up breaking that promise.

Perhaps I am a masochist, I don't really know. I liked school from the very first day my parents dropped me off in kindergarten class. I liked making good grades, other subjects came easy for me. I wasn't about to let math ruin my grades, so I made it a point to study harder for that subject than for any others. I wanted to maintain good grades, and by golly, math would not get the best of me.

So it began, my love/hate relationship with math.

My senior year in high school came and it was time to think about college, and possible majors. I really liked chemistry, more than any other subject, but I didn't want to work in a lab. As fate would have it, my teacher at the time took our class to a conference about women in science and engineering. That's where I had the most brilliant idea of my life: I would study chemical engineering. It involved chemistry (which I loved ) and math (which I loathed). Besides, the salaries were appealing, why not give it a shot?

So I embarked into a long journey with my worst enemy. We had our rough times, but I would not let "it" get the best of me, or get in the way of achieving my goal. I would not quit because of it. I have scar battles ( and several dead brain cells) but I won the war. I finished my degree in engineering.

In second thought, maybe I am a masochist. As if one degree in engineering wasn't enough, I went back for more. A master's in engineering. Maybe hate turned to love in the end?

On my way

2009-01-06T14:19:00.002-06:00

I'm a believer one must state their intentions out loud in order to make them real. So here is one on my list of intentions for this year,

I am on my way to a healthier me.

There, now it is real.

I have known (for a while now) that I have put on a few more pounds than I'd like to admit. I have been in denial, mostly because I figured as long as I fit in my clothes, I really don't care about weight all that much.

Then reality came calling. In a few more days, I will be turning 35. I'm no longer the college kid who survived engineering school on Milky Way bars and Coca Cola. I cannot longer eat the way I used to and be healthy.

That's not to say I'm not healthy. My cholesterol, blood sugar, and other things are within the "normal acceptable" range. But those are just numbers. I know I can do better when it comes to my nutrition.

So with the help of a group of coworkers, I am determined to adopt a healthier lifestyle.
This won't be easy. Giving up things that you really, really like; and adding things to your diet that you really, really could do without, is never easier.

One of the people in the group asked me why would I join this group of people, where the majority are trying to lose weight, since I have no weight to lose? In reality, I could afford to lose a few pounds. But it is not about the pounds for me.

I need more energy. As my children get older, my life gets more hectic and more demanding. I work outside the house fulltime and my "other job" begins when I walk in the door. I also need to know I'm setting a good example for my kids. They will do what I do, and not what I say.

So in order to achieve my goal to a healthier lifestyle, I decided to make myself a list of things I will start to do to get me on my way.

1) I will drink one glass of milk every day.
Seems simple enough but I do not like milk. I have had issues with lactose intolerance and since then, simply cannot bring myself to drink it. But I need the calcium, my bones need it, and well, it just has to be done.

2) I will eat more vegetables.
I am not a veggie eater. I will eat a green salad, I will try zuchinni, and even squash, but the rest, I rather not put on my plate. Give me a side of potatoes instead!

3) I will limit my caffeine intake to one cup of coffee per day.
This is a big one. I love my coffee, gotta have my coffee every morning. It's all fine unless you drink too much of it. With a family history of osteoporosis, I really need to limit mine, and get more calcium in my diet.

4) I will exercise at least 30 min 3 times a week
I trained for a marathon in 2007. I survived running 22 miles in the MS summer. I woke up at 3 AM so I could join my running buddies for our long runs at the Rez. So why is it so hard now to get up 30 minutes earlier and workout? Because I've become lazy. There is no excuse.

5) I will pack my lunch at least 4 times a week.
With Keifer's and Basil's a block from me, it is very easy to stop bringing lunch.

There are more, I'm sure I will think of more as I go along this journey. If I lose weight in the process, fine. If I don't, fine too. I just want to feel good when I get out of bed in the morning, energized, and ready to start my day.

Happy 2009!

2009-01-05T15:25:00.005-06:00

It is a new year, but the old left a lot of lessons to be learned.

I got this from a friend, rather than email it to everyone I know, I'll just put it here.

1) What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
I started teaching Sunday school to a group of 3rd-4th graders. They are such amazing kids and they have helped me increase my faith.

2) Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any for last year. This year, the main resolution I have is to have fun, laugh often, and step outside my comfort zone.

3) Did anyone close to you give birth?
My friend Terri gave birth in August, then my friend Mari gave birth in time for Christmas. and Mandy, she had Ethan this year!

4) Did anyone close to you die?
Some of my husband's family died but we weren't very close to them.

5) What countries did you visit?
Panama

6) What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
More alone time with my husband

7) What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Our anniversary (May 20), kids' birthdays (May 1 and September 12).

8) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I visited my father after 10 years, and my kids had a chance to meet him.

9) What was your biggest failure?
No failures, a few disappointments

10) Did you suffer illness or injury?
Illness, some. No injuries.

11) What was the best thing you bought?
Dual screen DVD player for the car. It was a lifesaver during our trip to Panama.

12) Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My husband's, who made the decision to be a stay at home dad.

13) Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
One person comes to mind, but karma will catch up with her eventually.

14) Where did most of your money go?
To pay all debts (finally debt free!) and medical expenses from Cade's ER visits.

15) What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Signing up for watercolor painting class (starting in 3 weeks!)

16) What song will always remind you of 2008?
Jesus Loves me, because it was the first one Candace learn to play in the piano.

17) Compared to this time last year, are you:- happier or sadder? happier.- thinner or fatter? fatter- richer or poorer? moneywise, the same, but richer in the things that truly count.

18) What do you wish you'd done more of?
Taken time to step outside my comfort zone.

19) What do you wish you'd done less of?
Get frustrated when things don't go the way I planned.

20) Did you fall in love in 2008?over and over again

21) What was your favorite TV program?
Brothers & Sisters.

22) Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone. I may dislike some people, but I don't hate anyone.

23) What was the best book you read?
Strange Sons by Portia Iversen. It's about her autistic son, her journey with him, another mother she meets with a child very similar to hers. Very powerful.

24) What was your greatest musical discovery?
High School Musical songs. ha.

25) What did you want and get?
a day of pampering

26) What did you want and not get?
the lottery

27) What was your favorite film of this year?
Sex and the City movie, because that's the only one I saw this year.

28) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I worked, turned 34

29) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Same as 2007, shorter hair, if it fits, I wear it.

30) What kept you sane?
my husband (while simultaneously driving me insane some days).

31) Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Brad Pitt

32) What political issue stirred you the most?
The whole thing, people questioning the candidates ability only because of gender or race.

33) Who did you miss?
My family back home.

34) Who was the best new person you met?
My daughter's piano teacher. She is 94 years old, and still has her mind intact. She loves music and loves kids, and her passion keeps her going. She is such an example.

35) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Take the time to laugh, forgive, and enjoy life.

36) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

“Tell everybody I'm on my way, and loving every step I take...with the sun shining down, yes I'm on my way, I can't keep the smile off my face"

Reminder

2008-12-30T10:18:00.002-06:00

The holiday season has begun for us, but not without its share of drama. But I guess in the midst of it all, we have been reminded again of what is important.

It isn't about the gifts, the food, the obligations we have to entertain other. It is about love, commitment, family.

We woke up Christmas day as we had many other Christmases. The kids were thrilled to see what Santa had left under our tree, and ready to put it all to good use. Grandparents came over to have breakfast with us, and I placed a call to my mom, who was late for our celebration.

She had been sick all of the night before, and was not feeling well. We weren't quite sure what was wrong with her, but she was not doing well. Mom isn't the type to succumb to illness, she will go to work if she can, even when ill. For her to stay in bed is a huge ordeal and a sign of things not going well.

I headed over to her house, along with 2 of my sisters, and we did our best to make her comfortable. The rest of the days have been spent at doctor's offices, and the ER. We finally have a diagnosis, and a course of treatment. She will need surgery but at least we found the cause of all her discomfort.

None of us really minded that our Christmas was unusual. We did what was right and took care of our mother's need. We cancelled our get together and hope to reschedule it later so we can exchange gifts. There have been no complaints, not even from the kids who don't quite understand what's happening.

In a way, this year reminded us of what's truly important. It is not about having the perfect decorations, perfect food, perfectly set table. It's about family, about taking care of each, about love.

Nochebuena

2008-12-23T16:48:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow is Nochebuena, Christmas Eve. Wow. This month flew by and Christmas was here before I knew it.

Nochebuena was probably my favorite day of the whole season when I was a kid. The anticipation, the excitement, the food. It was almost as if the air smelled like Christmas. I miss that. I wish I could take my family back to Panama for Christmas, so they could see how I celebrated growing up. One day soon...

I miss my home this time of the year, every year since I moved here. I miss the sound of villancicos (carols), the smell of the food being prepared, the festive atmosphere that just cannot be replicated, no matter how much I try.

This year, I will try to replicate a tiny bit of my Navidad in my home, for my children to experience: in the food, the christmas carols, the anticipation. Maybe one year soon, they'll get to experience an authentic Panamanian Christmas

The Christmas Season

2008-12-19T08:29:00.002-06:00

I was cleaning the kitchen last night, when my daughter came in and sadly said she will be so sad when Christmas is over. I asked her what was the reason behind her sadness, and she said that once Christmas day is over, then Christmas will be over too.

I love moments like those when I can tell her about my life as a child, when I was her age, and have her undivided attention.

So I began to tell her about our Christmas season. I'm Catholic, and growing up in a country where the majority of the people were also Catholic meant our holidays were heavily centered around their Christian meaning. Yes, there were presents and Christmas trees, but we were reminded every step of the way, whether at home or at school, of the real meaning of the holiday.

My Christmas celebration has never ended on Christmas day. My tree doesn't come down, I keep everything as it is until January 6. That's when my Christmas season ends. Growing up, I didn't really know the reason behind keeping the decorations up so long. Everyone else did it, and so did we. It was what we did.

As I've gotten older, I have learned the reason why we did that. Our church celebrates the Christmas season from Dec 25th until January 6. I guess it is simple if you think about it. The story of salvation didn't end with the birth of the Savior, it is just the beginning. There were other things that happened after his birth and during his infancy that were also important and we conmemorate those too. It all ends with the Epiphany, or the day we celebrate the visit from the Magi, the three Wise men.

I explained all this to her in terms she could understand. Regardless of how your worship, Christmas doesn't have to end on Christmas day. The message of Christmas, the giving of unselfish love that God showed us, doesn't end that day, and we shouldn't stop celebrating it just because our decorations are no longer on display.

She seemed to be satisfied with the answer. Who doesn't want to continue to celebrate Christmas a bit longer? I just hope our decorations survive until then. My sons seem to think they need to redecorate every day. They keep moving ornaments around, and rearranging our Nativity scene. Let's home we have decorations left until the Epiphany.

Merry Christmas!

Memories

2008-12-17T14:38:00.004-06:00

It's funny how the simplest of things can bring up a mountain of memories. After I put the twins to bed, I started wrapping some Christmas gifts that need to make their way to a friend across the country. It was then that a flood of memories came to me.

I had my first job at the age of 14, wrapping Christmas gifts at a store back in my hometown. My cousin, who was a bit older than me, was working there for the holidays, and got me the job. I was so excited because I had the chance to make my own money and spend it in whatever I wanted.

At the time, there was not a mall in my hometown. The majority of the stores were on one street, lined up on both sides. The stores would all have big speakers right outside, playing Christmas music and trying to lure people into their stores. The stores are not air conditioned, not that it would matter because, in order to deal with the crowd, the doors remain open.

December is the beginning of the hot season in Panama, very little rain, and lots of sun. The gift wrapping area was outside, in front of the store, right on the sidewalk. There was no shade to cover us when the hot afternoon sun was in full force.
I worked the entire month in the heat, and never even noticed. Since the gift wrapping was free, almost everyone took advantage of it, and as the day got nearer, the crowd of people got larger and larger. I wrapped gifts until 11 PM on Christmas Eve that day, and walked home with my cousin (I lived about 5 minutes walk from the store) shortly after.

I remember how proud I was when I received my paycheck. I can't remember the exact amount but it couldn't have been much. Back in those days, minimum wage was $5.60 per day.
It was hard work, but I was happy I was able to do for myself.

A lot has changed since then, I've had many other jobs too. I still remember that job with fondness. It taught me the value of hardwork, no matter what job you are doing. It also taught me how valuable an education would be.

Now I wrap gifts for those that I love, and thank the heavens for the lessons I learned back then.

The Question

2008-12-16T16:33:00.004-06:00

To-do or not-to-do, that is the question. Or at least the subject of today's rambling.

I recently suscribed to Real Simple magazine. I had bought one at the store, loved it, and ended up buying a suscription from a friend's son, they were selling suscriptions as a fundraiser.

Anyway, I received the new one yesterday, the official Jan 09 issue. I was anxiously waiting to see what new ideas I could incorporate into my not-really-simple life. This issue actually centered around to-do lists.

I used to keep to-do lists, that's how I survived engineering schools. There were design reports, lab reports, homeworks, tests, more reports that needed to be turned in on time. I had to keep a list so I would know what needed to get done next. As my life became more hectic, my lists got longer and longer until they were no longer manageable. I stopped making them.

I can get things done without one, and my life would be less hectic if I kept a list, but they just don't work for me. I've taken time management classes that praise list making as the best thing ever invented. I just cannot keep one. That's not to say I don't have lists. I keep lists of projects, reports that need to be reviewed, these are "master" lists, not daily lists.

I attended the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" seminar back in July and loved the whole thing. I even tried to apply the habits to my life and was doing really well until I went on vacation. You can't plan your days while on vacation. Habit 3 is First Things First. All about prioritizing and making lists, and deciding what should come first. It all sounds great, unfortunately once my priority list is set, I will very likely get a phone call from the boss, telling me a new project has moved up to the top of the list, and the list will no longer be valid. Back to square one.

I love the end of the year, not only because Christmas is my favorite holiday, but because the end of the year is near. All those things I promised myself I would do at the beginning of the year, that list of "resolutions" , I can toss it all away and start fresh once January 1 rolls around.

So, rather than trying to plan the rest of the year, I've decided to give the whole planning/prioritizing/to-do list another try after the holidays. If nothing else, this can be part of the whole "New Year resolution" list. After all, I may need something to "toss away" by this time next year.

Adventure at the mall

2008-12-09T14:27:00.004-06:00

I decided to venture out of the house with all three of the kids yesterday. I'm pretty certain my husband thought I had lost my mind. My friend Veronica was very quick to point out how "brave" I was to go to the mall with not just one but three kids in tow.

I kept telling myself I could handle this. This isn't international travel, it is just a trip to Northpark. How bad could it be?

We arrived at Northpark and I unloaded the double stroller. I told all the kids what behavior I was expecting from them and the consequences they would face if they misbehaved. There was nothing but silence in the backseat of the car as I started to unload them, one by one.

First stop was the food court. Every time my daughter and I head out together we have lunch either at McAlister's or Chick Fil A. Neither of these have a branch near our house, so it is a special treat. We ordered her lunch from McAlister's and got a table. The boys quickly decided they didn't need the stroller, and sat at the table. For a few minutes, I debated with myself. Do I wait for Candace to be finished with her food before I go order some Chick Fil A for the twins, do I leave the twins at the table with her, do I take the twins with me, do I take them all with me?

Decisions, decisions. Candace has been trained when it comes to strangers and what to do. Besides, the table was near enough I could see her while ordering food for the twins. So I took the boys with me, we ordered while watching her, and came back to the table. First obstacle had been conquered.

They got back in the stroller and we headed to find Santa Claus. Everyone was excited to see him, including me. I was daydreaming of the money I would spend ordering pictures with Santa. I didn't even notice the stares that met us everywhere we went, we were going to see Santa!

We arrived, and Cade decided he was having nothing to do with the white-bearded man. He wouldn't even look at him, much less get close. I couldn't even get the other two in there, because this kid was screaming at the sight of Santa.

So we left. He calmed down, we did some window shopping, tried to do some real shopping but they kept insisting in helping me. Thanks but I'm tired of putting things back on the racks. We did manage to get an ornament for our tree and an outfit for Candace. They had a great time, we ate cotton candy and they didn't even noticed the stares.

What's with the stares anyway? I get that they are twins, and they will get attention but these days, with fertility treatments and such, multiples are a lot more common. It seems people can't help themselves. Thankfully, they don't notice yet the unwanted attention they receive. I keep telling myself people stare because they are just too cute to go unnoticed!

People sometimes ask me how I do it. I don't have an answer for that. How does any mom do it? I don't think I'm "special" because I have twins, I'm just a mom like any other. Yes, I had to juggle feeding two babies at once, double the amount of diapers, bottles, and clothes. I had to learn to remain calm when both of them were screaming at once, and figure out how to juggle time with Candace so she wouldn't feel neglected.

But all moms juggle their share of challenges. They all manage. I'm not special. I am just a mom

Christmas traditions

2008-12-05T15:51:00.004-06:00

At work, we have an internal newsletter that features different employees every month, and depending on the time of the year, different recipes, ideas, traditions.

For the December newsletter they asked that we submit our traditional New Year's celebrations. We have people from all over the world here so it should be interesting to see what everyone does for New Years.

This time of the year has always been my favorite. As a child, I remember how exciting it was to decorate the house for Christmas. One year, our entire neighborhood decorated the street with lights, and we made sure our house was decorated to match.
Christmas Eve is a big deal back in Panama. There is Midnight Mass, and most families attend mass together, to celebrate the birth of Christ. Mass usually starts around 11:00 PM and ends by midnight. Afterwards everyone heads home, to celebrate. There is food, and neighbors go to each others homes to say Feliz Navidad. The kids get to stay up late, and of course, no presents are "delivered" until after everyone is sleep.

I guess you can say we like to party back home because New Years is a big deal too. There is more food, music, our entire neighborhood would become a huge street party. At midnight, everyone goes outside to wish each other a Happy New Year.

I miss the holidays back in Panama. I miss welcoming our neighbors to the house, sharing a bit of food and happy wishes with them, I miss attending Midnight Mass at the Cathedral, I miss home.

But new traditions are emerging as my children get older. For the past 3 years, one of Santa's elves delivers a special package on Christmas Eve. The elves are very busy, so they usually ring the doorbell and leave before we can get to the door. Inside the package, there are pajamas for each member of the family. These aren't your normal pajamas, you know. They come from the North Pole, and they are magic. They help Santa work "his magic" on Christmas night.
I can't wait to hear the doorbell this year, and watch Candace rush to the door to retrieve the package.

We have a Nativity scene in the center of our home to remind us of the real reason we celebrate Christmas. We bake cookies for Santa and we write a note for him to read as he is eating his cookies. For the past few years, he has even left footprints inside our house, since the fireplace had ashes in there.

As they get older, I hope to incorporate more traditions, like Midnight Mass, and Christmas Carols in Spanish.

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas now that the weather has turned cold. It's time to let the magic of this season touch our hearts and get ready to celebrate with our families.

IF

2008-12-03T13:19:00.005-06:00

If I didn't have kids, I would
* Sleep as late as I could on weekends
* Have a spotlessly clean house
* Spend lots of money in clothes, purses, and shoes
* Drive a convertible
* Take fabulous vacations every year
* Eat out at expensive places
* Go out of town on the weekends
* Go back to school
* Read more books

BUT if I wasn't a mother, I wouldn't know
* the joy of cuddling with my kids and watching cartoons on Saturday morning.
* the pride in my children's eyes when they show me their latest masterpiece drawn in the living room wall.
* the joy of buying clothes for that little person growing inside of me.
* what loving unconditionally feels like.
* I would have never discovered how good chicken nuggets from Chick Fil A are, or how much fun it is to collect the toys inside a Happy Meal.
* the sounds of my children's laughter in the backseat of my car would be unknown to me.
* that indescribable feeling I felt when I took my children to my homeland
* I would have missed the sparkle in their eyes when they saw the ocean for the first time.
* I would not know how chaotic and fun a family meal at home can truly be.
* I wouldn't have a first grader teaching me how to properly pronounce words in English
* I would have never read the Cat in the Hat, or even know who Dr. Seuss was.
* I wouldn't know that an old, tore up bear, can keep all the monsters away at night.
* I would have never known what it feels like to have a little pair of arms tightly wrapped around my neck.
* the joy of hearing "I love you" for the first time
* the pride of watching them in their first dance recital, or scoring their first goal, or playing their first song in the piano.
* how the cry of a child in the middle of the night will wake you from the deepest of sleeps.

If I wasn't a mother, I would have never known love can have no boundaries.

The real meaning of Christmas

2008-12-02T09:27:00.004-06:00

Have you noticed how materialistic Christmas has become? I was disturbed to hear about that person who got trampled to death at Walmart. How is it possible that, out of those thousands, there was not one person who cared enough to help that man up so he wouldn't get killed? Have we become so obssessed with having things, that we take human life for granted?

I am an optimist and I believe there is a lot of hope left in the world. We seldom hear about the Good Samaritans who help others, or the families who share what little they have because it makes them feel good. Those are not newsworthy stories. But those people are still out there, trying to make a difference, and doing their best to refocused our Christmas celebration so we'll remember the reason why we celebrate in the first place.

Growing up, we had no Santa Claus. Our Christmases were not cold, there was no snow. As a matter in fact, December is the beginning of the "summer" in Panama, and Christmas was always warm, sunny, perfect for playing outside. Santa was someone who visited those kids who lived "up north", where it got cold and it snowed. He didn't drive his sleigh down to the tropics, you know.

I never missed not having Santa, and Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I was lucky to grow up in a place where the majority of the people are Christians, so our Christmas celebrations were centered around the birth of Christ.

You are probably wondering how could I receive gifts if Santa didn't visit me. Baby Jesus, the one who truly gives the best gifts, He brought our gifts. I knew my parents bought the gifts and I knew my mom wrapped them and they placed them under the tree. But I knew that without Him, there would be no gifts. If He didn't bless my parents with health and jobs, we would have no gifts. I knew even as a child that He was the real gift of Christmas.

I'm now an adult, raising children in a place where it gets cold for Christmas and where Santa visits every year. My husband grew up with knowledge of Santa coming on Christmas morning, so now we try to incorporate his tradition and mine during Christmas.

It is not easy, and those of you who are parents and are Christians know how secular our celebration has become. We seem to be more focused on how much stuff we get rather than on giving and living by our Christian faith. Maybe it is time we refocused our Christmas, don't you think?

I'm not Scrooge, I like gifts and I like watching my kids open their gifts on Christmas morning. Every year I try to recenter our Christmas around the birth of Jesus. My kids are still young and they probably don't notice but that's ok. Eventually, they will realize that Christmas isn't about Santa, or gifts, it is about the birth of our Savior, about giving, and helping those who need help, and spreading the love of Christ around the world.

So this year I've decided to spend less. Not because I want a fat bank account (well, I do, but that's a long way from happening), rather that money I will not spend on gifts of "obligation", I'm going to use for charity. I'm going to buy one less thing and find someone who needs it more than I or my kids and give to them. I will probably spend more time baking and giving baked goods because that's one way I show someone that I care. I will probably spend more time with my daughter making handmade gifts so that she can put a bit of her love into the gifts she is giving away this year.
I will give my kids gifts from Baby Jesus this year so they will remember the real reason we celebrate Christmas.

(for ideas on gifts, visit www.rethinkingchristmas.com

18 years ago today

2008-12-01T11:29:00.003-06:00

It seems like just yesterday. I remember vividly how excited I was. I had never been on a plane before and I was about to get my first chance.

We arrived at the airport in San Jose, Costa Rica very early and checked in. We didn't have a lot of luggage, just a few old suitcases with our entire possessions. I was nervous, and excited. I had no idea what the rest of my life would be like but I knew it would be an adventure.

We said goodbye to my father, it was a bittersweet moment. I felt guilty because I was so happy to leave, yet so sad to leave him.

We arrived in New Orleans on a typical December day. It was gray and cold as we stepped out of the airport. I could see the city at a distance. We drove back to Mississippi and I remember wondering what our life would be like from now on. Little did I know how my life would turn out.

Eighteen years ago today, I arrived in the US. An immigrant full of dreams. I have been blessed to be able to fulfill those dreams. One by one, they have become a reality. There are still many more dreams left to achieve.

I am thankful for the last 18 yrs, for the opportunities I have had, and for the people I left behind who supported me throught these 18 yrs, who rejoiced with me every time I achieved a goal and believed I could be someone one day.

I'm looking forward to the next 18, 36, 54, 72... years

Thankful

2008-11-25T16:38:00.004-06:00

I am thankful for:

* the opportunity of embarking in this journey we call Life.
* my father, who open my mind up to the world and its beauty
* my mother who made incredible sacrificies for all of us
* my siblings, who taught me about unconditional love
* all the teachers I had throughout the years, who planted in me the desire to learn and keep on learning every day of my life.
* my aunt Michaela who showed me how to be a true Christian
* my grandfather "Abuelo", the head of our family, who taught me about hardwork, loyalty to our family.
* my grandmother "Abuela" who taught me how to cook and show my love for others in that way
* my cousins, uncles, aunts who, in spite of the distance that separate us, still show me their love and are proud of me.
* my church family, who has given me a chance to serve them and have blessed my life in so many ways.
* my husband, my companion, my best friend, because he always sees the best in me, and loves me in spite of my flaws.
* my daughter, the answer to my prayers, who has shown me how to appreciate life in a whole new way.
* to my sons, who chose me to guide them through this life
* to my God, for the blessings He bestows in me every day of my life. I hope I am able to recognize those blessings each day.

The Gift of Reading

2008-11-07T09:32:00.004-06:00

I remember learning how to read. Back then and back in Panama, kindergarten was the time when kids got used to schedules, and discipline in schools. Most children did not go to daycare, and kindergarten was not mandatory. There was no pressure on being "ahead" and "prepared" for first grade, as there is here.

I learned how to read at home. My dad would take the time to teach me how to sound out the words. Once I was able to read, a new world appeared in front of me, and I was ready to explore it.

We had one tv at our house, and it was not for the children. My parents were very strict when it came to our tv time. The tv was off limits for us, and only 2 shows were watched at home: the news and Sesame Street.

So the majority of our time was spent playing outside and when the weather did not cooperate, we spent our time reading. My parents made sure we had plenty of material to read. Back then, salesman would come to our house, offering encyclopedias. My parents bought two sets, I can see them now. The biggest set was bound in blue, and it had at least 20 volumes. It covered every imaginable topic, from history to sports. Each volume was heavy and hard to handle for a small child but dad would help us carry it so we could enjoy reading it. The other set was red, the books were smaller, and as I recall, most of the volumes talked about the different animals in the animal kingdom.

In those books, the world was within reach. I read about world history, and learned about Greece and Rome, Plato, Aristotle, Michael Angelo, and Thomas Jefferson. I read about the US, the American Revolution, and the Civil War. I learned about the European Monarchies, and the great empires that dominated the world centuries ago. It was fascinating, even as a child, to read about this far away place I now call my home.

There is no need now for encyclopedia salesmans anymore. One can find out about anyone and anything through the internet. My daughter doesn't have to read throough countless volumes to learn about the world anymore. All she needs is a computer.

Still, I want her to experience the joy of reading. I want her to read about the world, and imagine the things that are beyond her reach. I want her to enjoy reading as much as I do. I want her to be able to compete in a technological world without losing that desire to seek knowledge. I don't want her to stop thirsting for knowledge simply because it's at her fingertips, with just the stroke of a key on the computer keyboard.

Much like my parents, I am setting the ground rules. There are books, and magazines, and newspapers for her to read. There is a computer too, but for now, I want her to learn about the world and its wonder the old fashioned way.

Role Models

2008-11-04T16:25:00.006-06:00

The campaigns are over and by morning, we will know who won the election. I'm sure many of us will be relieved, and glad to be able to watch TV again without having to see a political ad.

This has been a historical race, that's what all the TV stations and newspapers have been advertising for months. It has affected everyone in a different way, I'm sure.

In my case, it has made role models for my kids out of the candidates. Not because of their political agendas, or affiliations. Simply because of who they are.

There is a woman on the ticket. A working mother. She knows what it's like to compete with men, and having to prove herself over and over again. She knows everything she does will be scrutizined, simply because of her gender. But she is still on the ticket.
This is the first election that my daughter has been old enough to understand. She has watched Sarah Palin on TV, she understands that this woman is "applying" for the 2nd most important job in this country. She now knows that a woman can aspire to the highest offices, and be respected among her peers, the same way a man is. For that, I am grateful. My daughter has witnessed history in the making.

There is also a man on the ticket who put his life on the line for this country. A man who loved it enough to fight for its freedom. His heroic act defines my personal definition of patriotism. He reminds me of those patriots, back in Panama, who fought for their right to elect the leaders of the country. He is a role model to all of my kids, not just my boys. They should love this country, and defend their freedom, and respect those who fought for it like John McCain did.

Last but not least, there is a man of mixed heritage running for the highest office. Just like my children, his parents came from very different backgrounds and his perspective in life comes from his experiences as a child. Perhaps his life is richer and fuller because he had the chance to see the world in a different manner than his peers. My kids now see Obama compete and be respected in the same manner as a white man. They too can aspire to be presidents one day. For that I am thankful.

Regardless of who wins the election, tomorrow is a new day and this election will go down in history. I hope now that it is over, we can overlook our differences and work together to continue to push this country ahead, for ourselves and for our children.

I am

2008-10-30T16:49:00.006-05:00

I am from Banana Trees, from Polleras, and Diablos Rojos

I am from the Casa Vieja where my mom grew up, with its dark rooms filled with memories; of Abuelos' stories, of the piles of golden rice he kept inside, and the rainy afternoons in October talking about nature and learning about life.

Of summers spents with grandparents, in a house with no electricity, of sneaking out to the river, of riding horses, feeding chickens, and eating guavas right of the tree.

I am from the Chiriqui River, roaring behind Abuelo’s house, of the algarrobo tree in their front yard, of laying on the grass, listening to ghosts stories, and staying up all night wondering about what was lurking in the dark.

I am from Nochebuena y Año Nuevo spent with family, of Carnavales and Processiones during Semana Santa, from Amada and Amelia and Carmen.

I am from the family sticks together, and love and respect your older sisters as if they were your mothers; of loving our cousins as if they were our siblings and standing up for those who can’t do it for themselves.
From respecting your elders, and always doing your best. Of being proud of who you are and the place where you came from, and of understanding the value of an education.

I am from being raised Catholic, from praying the rosary with Abuela, and learning prayers tthat were passed down generations. I’m from having faith in a God who is merciful and kind, of believing in ghosts, praying to saints, and never eating meat on Good Friday.

I’m from a Buddhist father, from catholic school, from learning about the paranormal and the power of the universe. I am a mix of Catholicism and indigenous beliefs, of going to curanderos, while lighting a candle for your health to be restored. I’m Catholic, secured in my faith and my beliefs and not afraid to say I don’t agree with man-made rules.

I'm from Panama, Spain, and the Guaymi Indians, of sancocho, arroz con pollos, platanos and tortillas.

From a mother with only a 6th grade education who taught me about hard work and determination, from slumber parties with my cousins, from running across the swinging bridge without our parents knowing.

Of starry nights listening to my father telling us about the wonders of the universe, and dreaming about becoming an astronaut. Of dancing on the streets during Carnaval under the blazing sun and the cool water; of patriotic parades on Independence Day.

Of Jose’s courage, and Abuelo’s strength, of Abuela’s faith, Mom’s determination, and of Dad’s thirst for knowledge.

I am from that little bench Tio Dany made for me 31 years ago, that Abuelo kept for me all these years, of watching my kids sit on that bench and see my life realized in them; of the wooden stove where Abuela used to cook, and the sewing machine where she would fix Abuelo’s clothes while whistling a tune.

I’m from dancing with Abuela after dinner, under the light of a kerosene lamp with Abuelo watching as he smoked his pipe. I’m from the moments that were never captured in film but will remain in my heart forever.

Polleras- national dress of Panama
Diablos Rojos- traditional buses in Panama
Casa Vieja- my grandparents (Abuelo and Abuela) old house
Amada, Amelia, Carmen - grandmother, mom, great grandmother
Jose- my cousin who died of diabetes-related problems at age 33. he was like my brother.
Nochebuena- Christmas Eve
Ano Nuevo- New Year's
sancocho, arroz con pollo, platanos, tortillas - traditional Panamanian dishes

Election

2008-10-29T16:51:00.003-05:00

I always get excited when the elections get near. Whether it is a local election or the presidential election, I can hardly wait to go to the poll on voting day, and cast my ballot.

Call me a geek, but I cherish my right to vote.

Many have heard me tell the story about growing up in a country where the people were not allowed to elect their president. I vividly remember the election of 1989 in Panama, when the candidates of the opposition party were beaten with metal pipes by military officers during a peaceful protest against the government.

That's the reason I don't take my right to vote lightly. So many people in the world do not have the power to elect their governments, yet here in this country so many people are so apathetic about the opportunity to make their vote count.

But it takes more than just casting a ballot on election day. You have informed yourself on the candidates, on their records, on what their plans are. Voting for a candidate simply because your family has always voted for that candidate's party, or because they seem "nice" on TV defeats the purpose. Of course, many will show up and vote on Tuesday without having any idea what any of the candidates stands for.

There is one election on the ballot this year that really has puzzled me from the beginning. We are electing someone to be on the MS Supreme Court. This is quite an important election, if you ask me. So many things are decided by the Justices of the MS Supreme Court, I think we should all take the time to do our research on the candidates. I've done mine.
So being this is my blog and all :-) I would like to ask you take a minute and read up on what Jim Kitchens stands for. I have had the pleasure to meet Mr. Kitchens in person, as well as his mother, wife, and son. They are excellent people and pillars of our community. I believe he would an excellent choice this election. http://www.kitchensforjustice.com/ is his website.

So, that's that. The only endorsement I will publicly give for this upcoming election. I personally can't wait to cast my ballot. How about you?

Opportunity

2008-10-28T16:19:00.005-05:00

I am a professional woman, in a male dominated field. Even in college, males outnumbered women in the majority of my engineering classes. I knew once I entered the workforce, I would have to fight the stereotypes about women in engineering. I also knew I would have to confront chauvinism, sexism, and racism. I was up to the challenge. I knew I would have to work twice as hard as my male collegues because I had to prove to others I was smart enough and not a result of "affirmative action".

I took on the challenge because I enjoy being challenged. I picked a major that most people would never consider. I pushed myself to the max, graduated, had a job a month after graduation. I didn't stop there. I knew it would take more than a bachelor's degree to get me where I wanted to be. I enrolled in a master's degree program and went to school at night. Still not enough, not when my male counterparts were accomplishing the same goals as I was.

I went further, and took the dreaded exam required to obtain my professional engineer's license. Never mind that I had a 3 month old baby at home, and a full time job. This was important to me and my career. I passed the first time I took the test.

This is just the academic part. There is the "working hard" part to go along with the other stuff. The most important part in my opinion. I have done my work and gone above and beyond what's expected of me. I have carved a name for myself and earned the respect of my superiors and my peers. I have enrolled in leadership programs, in management programs. I have read books, I have done my homework.

Still, there is barely a crack on my glass ceiling. I often wonder if I haven't done enough. Have I not taken a class I should have? Have I not tried hard enough?

I think I have done my part. There is always room for improvement, I don't believe a person should ever stop learning or growing as a person. So I know I am not perfect, then again, no one is.

Still, it is frustrating when your peers feel that a male, with less qualifications and work experience, is better qualified for a job simply because of seniority. There is always going to be someone with more seniority than me. And I will always have more seniority than someone else. Does that mean I am never going to be able to move above that glass ceiling?

I don't want a "hand-me-down" or a promotion I did not earn. I am not asking for charity. I am not asking for what some people see as "affirmative action". I simply want the same considerations my male colleagues get. I want someone to look at my qualifications, my skills, and hard work and allow me to compete with the "guys", regardless of how long I have been here. Seniority does not make anyone qualified to do anything, experience and expertise do.

I have worked hard to educate myself. I have worked hard at every job I've had, from my times as a clerk at Walmart to my job at a Fortune 500 company. I believe my work is a personal reflection of the person I am, so I take pride on everything I do.

I don't want a "free pass" because of my gender or my ethnicity. I simpy want the same opportunity to compete.

Randomness

2008-10-24T11:33:00.004-05:00

I don't have a "topic" to discuss today. For starters, I have a wicked headache that refuses to leave, even though it has received an eviction notice (ibuprofen). Besides, there are several things going on in my head this morning.

* What's with artists and changing their names? First we had Prince, who wanted to be called by a symbol, then Garth Brooks who wanted to be Chris Gaines. Now Beyonce wants to be Sasha somebody. Are they insane? Is this what happens when you get famous? Brain cells begin to day and one day you wake up wanting to be someone else? Maybe they need to learn from Madonna, who still calls herself, well, Madonna.

* Has anyone been keeping up to date with the economy? It is like being on Space Mountain at DisneyWorld. It is dark and you just can't see if you are about to go up or down, you just hold on for dear life until the ride is over.

* Speaking of the economy, I never really like anything related to business. I took an economics class in high school and that was enough for me. I could not tell you what NASDAQ stands for, or what a hedge fund is. BUT I can listen to Kai Rysdall talk about the market all day long. I have a crush on his voice. I don't think anyone else on this planet can make news about the economy sound so entertaining. His show comes on at 6 PM on NPR.

* Why is it that politics always bring out the WORST in people? I'm not talking about the candidates either. I honestly think the candidates actually respect one another, but mudslinging is part of the deal.
I'm talking about the average person, the one you see on the street, talking trash about other people and feeling they are entitled to look down on others, simply because of their political choice. It happens on both sides of the coin too. This isn't a problem with only the followers of A or B party. It's on both sides.
It makes me ill, specially when people start attacking one another and they know NOTHING about the candidates' platforms, or what the candidates stand for. They have done no research on the issues; they simply are basing their support on either on what the candidate looks like, or what they think this candidate must be like in private; or what someone else said about the candidate (either a family member, church member, pastor, coworker).

Let's use our brains and draw our own conclusion about the candidates. And after we have drawn those conclusions, let's respect those who have a different conclusion than ours.

Happy Friday!

Doctors and your health

2008-10-23T12:30:00.005-05:00

I have been to the doctor a few times in the past week and I've began to wonder if people no longer take active part in their healthcare.

I have been having problems for a while now which I atributed to my gallbladder. Being that gallbladder issues are hereditary and other members of my family have had problems, it wasn't a stretch to think mine may be going awry.
As many times before, I have been procrastinating about seeing a doctor about it. I don't like taking medication and I will find alternative forms of healing for any ailment I have before I take a pill or antibiotic. I will do home remedies and the things my grandmother used to do to cure most of my ailments.

This time it is different. I can't find anything that will make my gallbladder better. So off to the doctor I went. Our family physician is one of those small town doctors, who practices in a small town, and treats all his patients like his family. I like him. Anyway, I told him what was wrong, he said it sounded like stones in my gallbladder, and gave me an order for an ultrasound. The ultrasound revealed there is a polyp growing in there, close the bile duct, and that's why my symptoms are very similar to those of people with stones.

Time to decide what to do next. If I had stones, I would have look for alternative ways to dissolve those stones so I could pass them. I'm not sure one can dissolve a polyp. I don't want to have it removed unless there are no more options. So the doctor sends me to see a surgeon who specializes in gall bladder removals.

I have to admit I was not going in there to schedule surgery. I figured this doctor would order another test to verify the existence of a problem, rather than just go on the results of one test.
I was quite surprised to find out he was ready to cut me open and take my gallbladder.

I won't bored you with the details of the conversation with the surgeon, but he seemed surprised and a bit uncomfortable because I questioned him regarding the proposed treatment for my ailment. I wasn't trying to be difficult, but this is my body we are talking about and I want to make sure no parts are removed unless it is needed.

The whole experience left me wondering if people no longer question their doctors. Why was this one so surprised and a bit uncomfortable with my questions? Did he think I would say ok to a surgery without having sufficient proof that this was the best course of action?

Perhaps we have become too complacent when it comes to healthcare. Maybe we are too quick to allow doctors to prescribe a remedy they think fits our situation without ever questioning them, or challenging them. I wonder if our healthcare costs, not to mention malpractice lawsuits, wouldn't be as high as they are if we actively participated in our care.

I am not a doctor and I am not denying they know more than I do about medicine. But in this day in age, all it takes is Google and a little time to find out what are common test and remedies for whatever ailment you've got. I knew there was another type of test that would show, without a doubt, the state of my gallbladder, and it wasn't an ultrasound. All I did was ask. I didn't sue, I didn't threaten, I just asked. The test is probably costly but I'm sure it is cheaper than having surgery that I may not need.

So I ask you, do you actively participate in your healthcare and that of your family? Or if the doctor says "take this medicine" or "give them this shot", you do it without asking what repercusions may come from it?

Pictures

2008-10-21T11:40:00.004-05:00

My mom, daughter and myself at the Making Strides against Breast Cancer walk this past weekend.

My little soccer player

Lessons

2008-10-20T16:16:00.004-05:00

This summer, our church started looking for Sunday school teachers. Truth be told, most of us don't really like getting up earlier than we need to during our weekends, so the responsibility often falls on those of us who have children attending Sunday school.

Last year, I didn't volunteer. I had excuses, the twins were small, etc. This year the inspiration came from my daughter. We were reading the church's bulletin one Sunday, and I mentioned to her they were looking for teachers. She became very excited and said she would like for me to be a teacher. How could I say no? So I signed up.

I am not teaching her class, though. This year she will going through First Communion classes, so they have a special teacher for that class. I am teaching the 3rd-4th graders this year. When I received the call, I was told these children were very bright, smart, and eager to learn. They would challenge me with questions, so I should be prepared.

They didn't tell me I would learn from them as much as they would learn from me. Our parish is small, and our class is small enough that all the kids get to participate and we (the teachers) get to interact with all of them.
Last week our lesson was about the first Christians, the things they went through, how they stood up for their faith even though they were likely to die for their beliefs.
I asked the class to think for a second about someone they knew, someone in their life, who stands up for their faith.

The first answer from most of them: my mother.

I hadn't really thought about the impact my faith could be having on my kids. To hear these kids talk about their mothers with such respect and admiration was an incredible feeling. I wonder if their moms know what an impact they have on their kids. I'm guessing they probably don't. Like me, they probably are doing the best they can to raise their children in the church, to teach them right from wrong. They probably don't expect praise, and probably don't know that their children are watching and noticing every example they set.

I'm glad I took on the challenge to teach these kids. They are bringing so many blessings to my life, and I'm learning a great deal from them.

"Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

Pet peeve

2008-10-17T10:47:00.005-05:00

I don't want to sound "preachy" or give the impression I know it all. I don't. I'm still trying to figure out the rest of my life.

One of my biggest pet peeve is people who give up before they even try. These are people who find a million reasons why something will not work out before they even get started. They are the ones who won't exercise because they just know that x,y,z is going to hurt, or because they know they won't lose weight.

Their glass is always half empty. They can't see the rainbow through the clouds. They want to get out of whatever rut they are in but they are afraid of failing.

I guess the reason they aggravate me so much is that I cannot relate to them. Failing is not one of my fears, not trying is. I won't say I have never had moments in my life when the skies were gray and I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've had those times, we all have. I just didn't sit there and complained and waited for things to happen to me, rather than make things happen.

I am not perfect, I have more flaws than I care to share with you. I have been beaten down, and I have stood up every time and fought even harder. I will not quit, and those who know me well know that I will go after the impossible without any hesitation. I have fallen short of accomplishing things, but it wasn't because I didn't try. I find there is a lot of satisfaction in just trying the impossible.

If you want to run a marathon, do it. If you want to skydive, learn something new, change your career, go ahead and don't be afraid. Make a list of things that will make you feel great about yourself. Nothing in life is easy, and it shouldn't be, otherwise we would never appreciate what we have. Don't give up before you even try, don't look for reasons why you will fail.

Just give whatever you are dreaming a chance. You may be surprised.

Jeff

2008-10-16T17:05:00.003-05:00

This blog is dedicated to my brother in law, Jeff, he is one of the kindest persons I know, and I'm priviledged to know him.

I have known Jeff for many years, too many to count, really. He has been there in the good times and the bad ones. We've had our moments when we fought, times when we didn't speak to each other, but I always knew he'd be there if I needed him.

He was there when I graduated high school, when I picked my major, when I picked Ole Miss. He believed in me even when I doubted myself. Through the years, he has offered his support unconditionally.

Last year, when I announced I wanted to run the Chicago marathon, Jeff said "I know you can do it". Before I even started training, he had given me a pedometer, and other "running" stuff to get me started.

He was there, along with my sister Joyce, and nieces Stephanie and Aurora, to watch me run the marathon last year. Even though I wasn't able to finish because they closed the race, he believed I was a winner.

What could I do to show him how much I appreciate all his support throughout the years? I took him to the first meeting for Marathon Makeover 2008. I told him he, too, could run the Chicago marathon. I sat with him in the first meeting, and told him the first mile would be the hardest. If he could get past that first mile, he could run Chicago.

And he, once again, believed in me. He signed up to train for the marathon. He went through the pain, and the exhilaration only those who have done it before can understand. And last weekend, he ran the Chicago marathon!

I could not be prouder. I am so happy that he believed in me when I told him he could do it. I am glad that I was able to "introduce" him to marathoning. I didn't get to see him run, but I was there in spirit. He finished the race, and now joins those who can call themselves marathoners.

There will be more marathons in both our futures, I hope. Maybe we'll run one together.

So thanks Jeff, for always reminded me I can achieve greatness. I've seen you do it, I'm just glad to be a witness to your life.

Making Strides against Breast Cancer

2008-10-09T11:20:00.004-05:00

Many of us know someone whose life has been touched by breast cancer. In my case, my cousin is a breast cancer survivor. She was diagnosed after she found a lump during a self-exam and went to the doctor. That simple act of giving herself a self exam may have saved her life. She is cancer free, after undergoing a mastectomy.

I was so happy to see her this past summer, when I went to Panama. She is so full of life, and so happy to be alive, it is contagious. I am so happy she is still able to enjoy the little things in life. As she said to me, never take your life for granted, even the smallest things, or the insignificant moments. It all matters.

Again this year, I am helping raise money for the American Cancer Society's "Making Strides against Breast Cancer". I want to help raise awareness about this disease and educate women ( and men) about it. A little education can go a long way.

Many people around the metro area are supporting this cause also, so if someone approaches you and asks for a donation, please consider giving. Think about your mother, daughter, sister, friend. Think about all the special women in your life, and consider donating in their honor.

To make a donation for my walk, just click on my website. You can make your donation online, and every dollar makes a big difference!

http://main.acsevents.org/goto/kayra-panama10

Change is good

2008-10-06T16:51:00.004-05:00

I'm still looking for 6 extra hours in the day, so I can have plenty of time to update this blog.

A lot of changes going on everywhere. Fall is in the air. Not only are the seasons changing, there is change in Wall Street, we have an election coming up, change is definitely in the air.

There are a lot of changes going on at home too. New opportunities in the horizon, some fading away. We are getting ready to write new chapters at home, that's for sure.

My husband has joined the ranks of Stay at Home Dads. He will be staying home, tending to the kids and all the other things that surface day to day. He definitely now has the hardest job there is, and I truly admire him for making this decision.
The adjustment will be hard, I'm certain of it. But I know the kids are going to love having daddy around all the time and having him take care of them rather than daycare.
I also know one day, when they are all grown up, they will cherish those times with dad and will admire him for the decision he made to stay home with them.

My daughter is taking piano lessons, so our house is now filled with the sound of music. She has a innate ability for music, and has taken up piano very quickly. She is growing up before my own eyes, and I'm in awe at the person she is becoming.
I know she will love having her dad around all the time, and I know this will have a great impact on her in the years to come.

The twins will also be adjusting. They will be staying home with dad, and learning how to be good men from dad.

And I will be adjusting to my new role as well. I hope I remember to be supportive of him, and to never take him or his job for granted.

Trying to catch up

2008-09-26T09:06:00.008-05:00

I need a 30 hour day, please. If I only had a few more hours, maybe I could catch up with the tons of stuff I need to do.
It seems these days I am running around, from work to school to church, back to work... It's never ending.

I spent last week in Denver attending a training class. It was my first time in Denver, and that was exciting in itself. We had a chance to stay downtown, at the Curtis. If you've ever go to Denver, check that hotel out.
Every floor has a "theme", I stayed on the "Laugh outloud" floor. The decor were basically pictures of different comedians, like Lucy, Three Stooges, etc. Really cool. And the best part, it was just 2 blocks from 16th street, where all the shops and restaurants are.

The class was very good and relevant to my line of work. I'm guessing only a handful of people would classify a groundwater geochemistry class as "good". I'm one of those people. I was reminded of how much I really like chemistry. I'm an odd bird, I know.

Came home to find one of the boys sick. Fever, runny nose, congestion. I guess it's a summer cold, aggravated by allergies. Ended up missing work most of this week, because boy#2 also got sick. He is still home getting over his illness.

Aside from taking care of the boys, there was still dance class , and piano lessons, and soccer practices to go to. I wonder what it will be like when all three kids have after school activities? One of us will have a full time job taking everyone to their respective stuff.

Last but not least, there is church. I'm teaching Sunday school and I'm also involved in another program for adults, so that also has to be added to my schedule. And of course, there is still housework to be done.

So if anyone knows how I can add another 6 hrs to my day, please share the info. I need them.

Happy Birthday Candace!

2008-09-12T08:53:00.005-05:00

I saw her for the first time seven years ago today. After waiting for almost 12 hrs, she finally made her entrance into this world at 5:12 PM. I was surprised to see how alert she was. She didn't cry, she just looked around at all the people welcoming her into this world.

Her big brown eyes made quite an impression on me. They weren't typical newborn eyes, with their sleepy look. They were bright, alert, scanning the room, inspecting everything. She didn't cry and I wondered if something was wrong, weren't newborns suppose to cry as soon as they were born? It wasn't until they started to clean her up and weigh her that she cried, only for a few seconds. She stopped as soon as she heard her father's voice.

She immediately took her place in our family, commanding attention when she wanted it, as all newborns did. She was fiercily independent from the start, wanting to do everything by herself. She was a lot of hard work, but always worth it.

I look at her in awe and amazement to see what an incredible human being she is. Her compassion surpases her young life, she always has a smile, a hug, ready when you need it the most. She is bright, intelligent, and well mannered, loving, all the qualities you want to see in a child. She loves to laugh, to have fun, to cuddle and watch movies, and Ben&Jerry's ice cream.

She is a tomboy and a girlie girl all wrapped up in one. She loves to go fishing with her grandparents, as much as she loves dresses, cute haircuts, and toenail polish.

She is a gift from above, and I will be forever thankful that she chose me to be her mother.

Seven years ago

2008-09-11T15:25:00.002-05:00

I'm pretty certain most people remember where they were, what they were doing, when the planes hit and the towers fell. I'm certainly one of them.

Even as I was watching one of those shows in the History channel, it all seemed so surreal, almost as if watching a movie with a horrible ending. If I hadn't been alive when it happened, I'd probably wonder if it truly happened.

I was 38 wks pregnant with my first child. I had preeclampsia and the doctor was going to induce so I was on my way to my last office appointment. My legs were twice their size and so were my hands, and I could no longer sleep because I could not get comfortable.

The fact I was bringing a child into this world was terrifying in itself. Millions of questions raced through my mind : What if I mess up? What if I don't know how to take care of a baby? Will I ever sleep for 8 uninterrupted hours?

We got the call from mother in law about the planes, so we knew something was happening by the time we arrived at the doctor's office. Perhaps we were too self absorbed, but none of that seemed important enough, we just wanted to make sure that kid was going to be ok and that I would be around to watch her grow up.

I sat the rest of the day on the couch, at home, watching the news unfold, and wondering what kind of world I was bringing this child into. And worrying about whether I had enough diapers, clothes, bottles and all other gadgets I thought I would need.

When people talk about the events of Sept 11 and get emotional about it, I feel bad because it was one of the happiest times of my life. The anticipation of finally meeting my first child, my little girl, the excitement of finally seeing her face overshadowed anything else that happened that day.

My heart aches for the families of those who lost their lives that day. But when I look in my daughter's eyes, I know there is goodness, hope, and love still in this world.